Wednesday, 25 July 2012
Over a Month
It has been just over a month since I last saw, heard about or even spoke to my youngest daughter, Lucy. To say that I have missed her is more than an understatement. I love her to bits as I do her sisters and always will.
I always wanted to watch her grow up and see ever step she takes until she left the nest and I feel that was taken away from me and some of the people around her that love her as much as I do. There might not be anything that can be done about that now, but I hope one day she realises this wasn't the life I wanted for her. I wanted her to live in a family with all the people that matter to her.
Now I have to live with the fact that she will be passed between her parents like a baton at a relay race. Passed so quickly that neither party utters a word to each other and I wonder if this can be good for her. There has never been enough talk to make things better for her. When talk does occur it just all ends in meaningless anger being thrown one way. It is not what I ever wanted. It is such a shame.
With the coming of the summer I hope can make the best of the time I have with her and her sisters, and make them all feel like they are part of a family. I know they love each other dearly, but I feel so guilty for letting them down. They can't do all the things sisters do together, good or bad, because they just don't have the time together. It's not what I wanted, none of it is, but life moves on.
Hopefully I will be seeing Lucy sometime next week, fingers crossed, but nothing is certain in this world especially seeing Lucy. I just can't wait to see her and give her a big daddy cuddle. It has been too long and they grow so fast.