Hopefully this is the last time I ever have to do this. Like the last time I saw Lucy it was for but half an hour and today was a repeat performance. It is so sad that I only got to see her for such a short time and I know how disappointed she was. It really puts yesterday in contrast when today felt so different
I got to the nursery at noon to pick up Lucy and although the sun had come out a bit in the morning it was still to wet to go to the park as I hoped. Instead we had to head back to Lucy's mummy's in Oakham. Lucy had her scooter with her which was rather lovely for me. She had told me so many stories about how she liked to zoom along on it and at last I was going to see her on it. As she we left the nursery Lucy was handed a bag of chocolate buttons, a present from a friend whose birthday it was today. She soon forgot about the riding her scooter and I carried until we got to the sweet shop.
Her mood was rather somber for Lucy. When she saw me she ran to me as normal and I picked her up and gave her a massive hug, but she didn't say anything, she just hugged me back. It just wasn't like her, it is like something is wrong, but I don't know what she hardly said a word. She just asked if she could go home in the car and I had to tell her she couldn't. She looked most disappointed, but what else can I say other I don't have a seat for her. It is not what I wanted and not what anyone wanted deep down, I'm sure. When we got to the sweet shop she started crying and I just hugged her and held close until she stopped. I felt so sorry for her. Even getting the sweets didn't brighten her up.
We stopped and had a little chat when we got outside the sweet shop and I know what is wrong, but there is no point talking in about here because nothing can be done about it. Thankfully when I got her to go on the scooter in the park I managed to make her smile for the first time and as she smiled she opened up and started to chat. Slowly as we progressed towards her mummies house her I managed to have her chatting like she always does when I pick her up. I said I would ask her mummy if she could stay an extra night on Sunday to make up for not seeing Emily and Catherine and she jumped at the idea. So that something I need to arrange later.
Dropping her off was a rather quiet affair and I was sad to see her go. I gave a big hug and told I love her and told her too be good. She sat on my lap to the door opened which is something Mary use to do many moons ago. It was all rather sweet and then she was gone and the door closed.
On the way back to the car I popped in the to Oakham Church and lit a candle. The church was prepared for a funereal and people were standing around in dressed in black and talking in hushed tones. A picture of a man was in front of the alter. I presumed it was the person that passed away. Someones Father, Grandfather, Husband or lover. I hope they celebrated his life and how it touched them and filed them with joy, and it some happiness came from remembering someone they loved. As I left and walked back through the park a squirrel shot up a tree as I passed. I stood and watched for a moment and wished I could climb the mountains I feel I face in life with the ease it climbed that tree. All I knew was I will get to where I'm going, where ever that is.
One good thing did happen, Emily and Catherine managed to get a smile out of Lucy's sister Mary when they saw her at the supermarket in Oakham. I still feel it is a shame that their friendship has been messed up by all that has happened. It doesn't need to be like this at all. Mary is always welcome to see them as far as I'm concerned, after all they were all brought up to see each other as sisters, and in fact they have one sister in common, Lucy who they are missing at the moment.
Finally Benjamin Franklin famously said "Out of adversity comes opportunity" and I hope there will be opportunity for good things that come out of all this for everyone. I hope the stormy waters will soon pass if they haven't been passed already and that less choppy seas lie ahead. Already I can see the muddy water clearing a bit. For all I say in this post and others like it is said in frustration rather than anything else. I all I want to do is love life and not spend it fighting battles.
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