Cold Spell

So far this winter we have escaped most of the cold weather that we normally get this year. On the whole it has been rather mild which is a big plus for many families in these economic times with the rising cost of fuel.

This mild weather has come to an end for the rime being and another cold spell is upon us with all the increase in daily heating bills that comes with it. Not something I want nor many other people I guess. We could all do with the mild weather continuing to the spring, however it is not all gloom and doom, there could be some fun to be had with snow forecast for the end of the week. There could be a chance of having some snowball fights and making snowmen. Something that is always fun.

Christina Perri

One of the things that the blog has been lacking of late is music. Well with a wonderful live performance on Dancing on Ice tonight she is worthy of a post. The feeling in the song was so complete it made it an emotional and magical performance. It was simply spine tingling. The song was "jar of hearts" by Christina Perri. It is a song a lot of us relate too.

It is a song we have heard a lot of around the house, mainly because Catherine loves it. It just a shame she sometimes sings along. Even she will admit she doesn't have the best of singing voices. All the same she is right to like it, because it is a lovely song sung by a very talented singer which tonights performance showed.

Celebrity Big Brother 2012 - The Final

Tonight was the final of Celebrity Big Brother 2012 and after three and half weeks in the house the reaming house mates were voted out one by one of the house, leaving the winner as the last person standing. It has been a smashing show this year and Channel 5 have now really made the format their own without destroying the show. In fact they have given back to it the thing it had lost on Channel 4 and now it seems fresh and alive again.

As for the winner it was for one the people that entertained us and like so many before her had gone on a journey of discovery in the house. In my view Denise Walch was a deserving winner of the show. What came as a surprise was that the X Factor reject Frankie Cocozza came in second even though he was the bookies favourite. It wasn't something I expected, I thought he would have left the show earlier, but looking back has always just been himself in the show which is often popular with viewers.

With ratings reported at being well over the two million mark on average for the nightly highlight shows and over 3 million for the final, it has been another success for Channel Five. Once again they have been attracting the youth audience all the Channels are after. I just hope that the summer show lives up to the promise of the Celebrity version. If it can manage that, it is sure to carry on for years to come.

I know I have really enjoyed by three and a bit weeks of car crash television and I can't wait for it all to start again in the summer. In the meantime I have the rest Dancing on Ice to look forward to and soon Britain's Got Talent returns to our screens. There is a lot of telly to come.

Andy Murry

I have always loved a thrilling game of mens tennis. It is a wonderful game when it full of rallies that shows off the skills of the players and I was lucky enough to catch the end of one such game by accident yesterday. I guess I'm like most people, unless the games are being played int the England you don't play any attention to the games. It turned out that listening to the end of this game turned out to be a pleasure.

The game was the mens semi final of the Australian Open. It was an amazing display of skill from the two players Andy Murry and Novak Djokovic Everything you could want from a game of tennis. A real nail bitter of a finish, that after five hours of play went down to the last game without you knowing who was going to win. Either player could have wrapped it up. In the end the unstoppable Novak Djokovic won the day. But it wasn't all bad for Andy Murry who game has come on so much recently. So much so that Jonathan Overend the BBC tennis correspondent said of Murry's performance and the game:

Murray should take enormous pride from the way he ran the best player in the world so close and the way he hauled himself back from tricky situations, like set points down in the third, 5-2 down in the decider. Djokovic has improved immeasurably over the last 12 months and here was evidence that Murray has the ability to do the same. Stepping up the court, hitting with depth and purpose, going for the lines on massive points. These were big positives. Shining through almost five hours of skill, pain, joy and heartache, should come a whole bundle of hope for the season ahead.

The whole game was inspirational and I hope it motivates more younger people to play the game. We could all do with a bit of cheer at the moment and having someone like Andy Murry winning some finals would be great for the sprit of the country. Lets hope there are lots more games like this one to keep us all entertained, especially in the summer. 

Rutland Autos

I think it only right to credit where credit is due. There is one business in Oakham that does a good job for the people that employ it's services and that is Rutland Autos. It is a wonderful garage and treats it's customers with care, respect and offers great value for money.

They are really good.  Phone in with a five minute job and as long as is five minutes they won't charge you labor. They just order the part and fit it for you. That has happened to me twice. They have never over charged on labour and they are realistic about how long it takes to do a job. The estimates are good and very competitive and they don't do work that doesn't need doing. They are so good in fact that if you are going away or need your car the next day and they have started a job, they will stay late to finish it for you how ever long it takes. 

Other garages are good in area, like Ashwell Motors, who I have used before, but Rutland Autos are the best. If you have a problem with your car and you are in the area turn to them first.

From the Stars

Sometime you read your stars and wonder what could they mean or how to achieve the promise they contain. Todays stars is a prime example of that. Here they are:

Do you believe in fairy tales? Is there really such a thing as happily ever after? Even if you have never given much credence to magic or to storybook endings, Aquarius, you will soon find yourself a believer. Something wonderful is unfolding in your life. Metaphorically speaking, you may discover an amazing beanstalk that can transport you to a golden world. Perhaps some enchanted fairy will guide you to a wonderful land where anything is possible. A fantasy will soon become possible. The key to making it come true is simply to believe.

It is the stuff dreams are made of but I'm not holding my breath just in case they are wrong, but with these things you have to keep an open mind and then maybe anything is possible. After all, it say's believe, so I will. It is time for something nice to happen.

On another note I will finish the missing weekend posts as soon as possible. Things have been sort of gloomy, for lack of a better word, and I'm still longing for that full nights sleep without waking at some point in the middle.

Family Sunday

Yet another one of those days where the weather really wasn't good enough to go out and we didn't have the money any other kind of going out. I just hope that soon the weather warms up and dries up so we can get out and about again and have some fun outside in the fresh air.

I was woken up by a little voice calling my name. It was lovely see her smiling face as I entered the room and soon we were gathering up her things and coming downstairs together. She sat in my chair as I went and made a coffee and a cup of tea in her beaker. It wasn't long before we were watching television together as she sat on my lap and we snuggled in her blanket. It was a lovely way to wake up before breakfast.

We had a quite morning around the house playing together after breakfast with Lucy asking if it was time to wake up Emily and Catherine every so often. In the end I gave up and let her go up to them and soon all three of them came down and headed into the family room to play. It was nice to hear them all playing together and having fun again. For all that I loved the time I had her on my own I missed that too.

Lunch was quick and simple. We had had ham sandwiches, which take no time at all to make and are loved by everyone. We wanted to make the most of the time we all had together and not let cooking get in the way. We had our Sunday lunch the day before. As soon as lunch was out the way the girls all went back to playing. They played boardgames together and of course Lucy played with her cooker making everyone food. It was lovely when she popped into the living room bring me all kinds of food. We all had a lovely afternoon.

The coming of the rush started as we headed into the last hour that Lucy was with us. As always, during the morning I did all of Lucy's washing making sure her blanket and clothes are all clean and ready for her to go home. All that was left to do was to make sure Lucy was in a similar state. It started with her bath with the help of Emily and Catherine. This was followed by the drying of hair, which Catherine did today, as I gathered her things and packed her bag. With her dressed I headed out the door with Emily and Lucy.

The drive back to the city was as quiet as ever. I didn't feel like dropping Lucy off so Emily did it for me. Thankfully Lucy didn't seem to mind, but I know I am going to have to do it next time. Emily managed to lighten the mood on the way home and we shared a private joke. It made us both burst into laughing and made the whole thing easier and we chatted on the way home.

When we got back home I got on with cooking and the girls got on with catching up with their friends. It was a quiet evening, but a good one. We all just did our own thing until we all headed to our beds to await the coming of another day.

It has been nice being altogether again. I had some quiet time Lucy in the morning before the  girls got up and then I enjoyed watching and listen them to them play. It was just nice and I loved every minute of it. Of course there was the same shit feeling when it all came to an end, but that is life and how it is and I can't see that changing. What I need to concentrate on is the good things and forget all the rubbish that surrounds it.

I need to find a way of seeing Lucy more and there is a chance of that in the coming half term next month. Just have to fight that fight and come to terms with all the empty the empty promises of the past which once made life so complete and perfect. They might have been given with good intention, but good intention isn't enough. Funny thing is I would stand by the promises of the past. All the same a few things have been revealed this weekend and hopefully that will help make things better, but I'm not holding my breath. Done that too long for nothing, but this the life I have been given, not the one I wanted, and the one it is I have to live.

Fun with Lucy

It was lovely having Lucy to myself all of yesterday and today I was going to have her here on my own again for a while. It was something I wanted just after the new year so I could give her some quality time on her own. I love those times when I have Emily or Catherine to myself and I was enjoying the same thing with Lucy.

I was awoken by Lucy knocking on the bedroom door and calling my name. A sound I think I will always hold dear. This was followed by us gathering her stuff and heading downstairs. Soon I had the television on and the kettle on and it wasn't long before we were sitting together with a coffee for me and a tea for Lucy. 

After breakfast the fun really began and we started to play games with her toys. There was cooking and cleaning, then board games and fun. It was just lovely to have those moments with her and enjoy her keen imagination. It is wonderful the way they dream up things and make up situations and then role play them. It is like making stories ,a bit like learning to improvise in acting without having to remove all the conditioning and layers of life you have to do if you want to be a good actor. They have it all naturally. 

Eventually the play had to stop for a short while as I cooked some more eggs on toast for dinner. Lucy's choice, but I didn't mind, I love eggs just as much as she does. We ate at the table together chatting together and having fun, before returning to a mixture of watching the odd television programme she loves on the computer and playing the games we had in the morning with new twists to the tales. The only serious thing we had to do was go shopping before Emily and Catherine returned from their sleep overs and we even made that fun.

It was late in the afternoon that we were joined by Emily and Catherine full of their stories and what they had been doing. Lucy was delighted to see them. She had been asking all day when were they coming home and going on about how much she misses them. So you can imagine her excitement as they came one by one through the door. She was all over them, leaving me time to cook a roast dinner for everyone without interruptions. It was nice to have them altogether again, even if it did mean the end of my alone time with Lucy.

After having the meal I cooked the girls disappeared to play together again, with Emily and Catherine taking turns in playing with her. It was nice to listen to the fun and as I relaxed I had the odd visit from Lucy for a cuddle. It was charming but soon it had to end. Lucy, one tired little girl, head off to bed. And soon after her stories and her kisses and cuddles she fell asleep, and we didn't hear another peep.

It was mid evening, around eight, when things took a turn for the worse for no rhyme or reason. Just after Lucy had gone to bed. It was like some mood had infected my life and I knew I just didn't need it. There was no logical reason to it what so ever. I guess it was just one of those feelings I get, but I could have done without it. I was enjoying the day with Lucy and didn't want it. Unfortunately it never really lifted for the rest of the night. 

I was glad when bedtime came along for the Emily and Catharine, so I had some quiet, and then when bedtime came for myself. I really needed some sleep. I couldn't wait for new day to come with it's endless possibilities and promise. We never know what tomorrow will bring. There is always hope. It been a good day, if you forget the evening, and I have had so much fun with little Lucy. It has been lovely to spend some time with her on my own. She is such a sweet little thing.

Wet Friday

It has been one of those wet but mild days you sometimes get in winter. Rather gloomy and not the sort of day to get out about, the thing I want to do so much. I need a change of scene and to get out with the girls. I really didn't want to be stuck in the house, but the going to soft play area's isn't a possibility until there is more money to spare. All the same we ended having a good day, just the two of us together.

The morning started with Emily and Catherine getting ready for school and me getting ready to go to the city to pick up Lucy. Soon we all left the house. Picking up Lucy was much as I expected. Although I was pleased to see her really I couldn't get the same level of enthusiasm as use too. It all felt rather flat and gloomy as did the trip back to the countryside. Driving in the rain and being late didn't help and I don't like being late. As we drove Lucy told me her news.

When we got back we headed off to the supermarket to get some food for the day. There was nothing in for lunch or dinner and we needed some essential supplies, and it save petrol. Lucy had fun in the trolly in the supermarket placing things around her and when it came time to pay she unloaded the trolly onto the checkout. Of course she didn't fail to make the checkout girl smile and then went all shy.

When got home the first thing Lucy did was see George and let him out his cage. He was so pleased to see her it was hard to get him to go outside for the loo. While George was out we both cleaned up the family room a bit so Lucy could play. It didn't take long and soon she was happily playing while I got on with cooking some pouched eggs and toast.

Lucy had picked the eggs for lunch. I had somehow forgotten how much she liked them. It was ages since I had last cooked her eggs on toast. I asked how many she wanted and she said two, so I cooked two expecting her just to eat one. We ate at the table together and when we were finished both her eggs had gone and nearly all of her toast. She was even after my eggs. Somehow I think we will be having eggs on toast again. Maybe I should have bought the box of fifteen eggs after all.

In the afternoon we played every game Lucy could think of. They ranged from cleaning games, cooking games, boardgames and doctors. If she found something that attached her imagination she seemed to want to play it. It is really a lovely age. Children's minds are so active and there ability to learn quickly and think up new idea's is amazing at Lucy's age. I remember the same thing being true of both Emily and Catherine.

When it got time to pick up Emily and Catherine from school we headed out. I knew Emily was having a sleepover, but I wasn't sure what Catherine was planning for the evening. There was talk of a sleep over for her too but she wasn't too sure what was happening in the morning. In any case it would mean that Lucy at least got a hug from both her sisters. As it turned out Catherine sleep over went ahead and after hugs from both her sisters we popped to the CoOp where she saw her cousin before heading home again. Acting all shy again.

Once home we both got on with playing, until a tired Lucy settled down to watch a film. This allowed me get on with cooking our dinner without interruptions. She was quite happy under a blanket in the family room watch Garfield the cat and all his adventures. It wasn't her first choice of DVD but she really did enjoy it all the same. Saying that, she did find Charlie and the Chocolate Factory which I feel the older girls will be find themselves watching tomorrow. She loves the film and thankfully so does everyone else.

After dinner and some more play the inevitable happened it was time for Lucy to go to bad. I love the way she descried our time as Lucy and Daddy time. It warmed my heart, to say the least. I really had enjoyed just having her to myself. After her kisses and cuddles from those she loves she fell asleep and I was left on my own to reflect on the day. I can say how much I love having her here. Like I said in yesterdays post you miss the people you love.

The day has been good since I got Lucy home when the fun began. I really have enjoyed her Daddy time. I wish there was more of it, but indications are that is not going to happen anytime soon. She seems to change so fast between visits that I feel I am missing out on so much of her life. There isn't anything I can do to change this anymore. I have tried my best to communicate my feelings and will continue to do so. You might ask why I do this and the answer is simple when you believe in something and feel strongly about things you have to carry on, it is only the cowards that give up when times get tough. I might not get me anywhere, but at least I can say I have tried, even if I never succeed. 

Thankfully other than the pick up and the drive to the city I can say it has been good one. Something I needed, although I wish we could have got out to have some fun. I feel like I'm waiting for something magical to happen that brings back special feeling that we all crave. The one we search for and share, that makes us feel at one of the world and those we care for.

The Coming Weekend

I have mixed feelings about the coming weekend and I'm not sure totally why. I know I'm not looking forward to picking up Lucy and the drive to the city, but at the same time I can't wait to see Lucy and bring her back to the countryside. I'm defiantly not looking forward to taking her back. Like all the people, you love in your life, if you don't see for periods you miss them. It doesn't matter who they are. I really feel I don't see Lucy enough since her mummy moved.

There had been quiet a run up to this weekend, with me wondering if I could afford to actually get Lucy for the weekend. With the cold spell that we have had any continuation would have made buying the fuel to get to the city and back impossible. It not something I wanted to happen but there was a good chance. Thankfully the weather looks like it has turned milder for the coming week and the money for gas yo heat the house isn't going to be as much of a problem.

Sleep is still proving elusive as ever and my mind goes round and round, although at last that is easing a little and although I wake I don't stay awake for so long. There are so many problems, things not said and issues that seem unresolved. Life is still stressful and it has been quite a week in that regard. I'm hoping this weekend will be fun, but I feel there is something coming up that I don't feel comfortable with but I'm not sure what it is. Call it intuition but I'm certain something more is going on.

All the same the plan is to enjoy the days that the girls are together and have some fun. Hopefully but getting these things out in the open then things will be better than keeping them in. I just wish I could do that with all my thoughts as well as go into more detail in why I feel that way now, but that wouldn't be right and this isn't always the place to be completely open, and in any case, it probably wouldn't be welcomed.

Finally I want to thank people who have taken time to comment on the posts, especially given the changes to the blog. I'm not sure if you all realised but if you click on the title of a post you can read the post and the comments like before without the popup window appearing. The only difference being you have to enter comments via the popup window rather than inline like before. I'm still checking on the status of the problem and once it is fixed by blogger I will reinstate the inline comments again.

New Blog Record

It looks like we have broken another mile stone that I didn't think was possible when I started this blog. The blog is currently getting just over five thousand page views per month, something I never thought was possible, but clearly is according to the basic stats on Blogger.

Many of the visitors are from the United Kingdom, but people from all over the world have taken an interest in a post or two on the blog. As always, I would like to thank all of you that come back time and time again, and those of you that just pass by and take a peek at the blog. All of you are welcome and a big thank you to every single one of you.

Sky ruins Saturdays

Anyone that knows me will know that for years I have been a Southend United supporter. I follow the team in what ways I can, although I live miles away from the ground and have for many years. One of the things that is exciting after the whistle has blown is looking at the table to see where your side ends up. Those minutes trying to find out if you have gone top or you just failed to make it because some other team has pipped you to the post, are part of the magic that is the results.

The problem with what Sky are doing to the football is they are spoiling the fun of Saturday at five when the results are read out on the radio or shown on the television. By having games on Saturday evenings, Sundays and Monday evenings means that seeing the league tables on Saturdays for the higher divisions means nothing and in theory can give the teams still play an unfair advantage since they know the results of the games played earlier. 

I tend to agree with the point that the manger of Arsenal, Arsène Wenger, made that the television companies are having to much of a say in the fixture lists. He is right that it is unfair on the clubs and like him I can see that some clubs might be influencing the television companies themselves. It is the league that should be dictating the fixtures and the television companies shouldn't be allowed to change them. As it with the way the demand the games to be play they have ruined Saturday results show.

Will Hay

No it isn't Monday and this is not the film of the week spot, but something to watch on a quiet Sunday while the house is empty and the girls are away to make me giggle. Many moons ago someone brought me a box set of films staring an actor known as Will Hay. The films date back to the mid nineteen thirties until just after the second world war and even today they are a treat to watch, which I guess has made it a present that has given me lots of pleasure.

Will Hay himself is rather an interesting character in there was more to him than being on the radio and staring in films. In fact he was one of the leading amateur astronomers of his time and back in nineteen thirty three discovered the white spot on Saturn shortly after becoming a Fellow of the Royal Astronomical Society. But that was only one of his many sides, as he was one of the first private pilots in Britain and he gave lessons to the famous female pilot Amy Johnson. And finally before becoming an actor he was a translator speaking fluently in French, German, Latin, Italian, Norwegian and Afrikaans.

It is for his acting roles he is remembered for these days and the legacy he left us is his films. A whole string of comedies made as only the English knew how back then. He lead the way in a golden age playing a pompous and incompetent authority figures which inspired a generation that followed into the British cinema. Probably remembered by most for his role as a school master in films like "Boys will be Boys" he took on a number of other roles including a station master, fireman and police man. All the films are funny and bring a smile to the face if not a hearty laugh.

I'm really looking forward to watching a couple of them today and I will be starting with "Oh, Mr Porter" where he plays the role of a station master, the film I like the best. If you have never seen any of Will Hay's films then seek them out. They are still worth watching.

A Quiet House

I will never get totally use to weekends when the house is so quite. I still love having my children about too much. There really does make the place come alive and I love the hustle and bustle of the days they are here. It is part of why I moved here to create a home for a family that is fun. Gosh, how times have changed since then but will still have fun.

Catherine and Emily are at their mums in Leeds and little Lucy is at her mummies in Leicester. I'm left here with the George and we are spending the day just chilling as Emily would say. When I'm alone in the house like this just seems so quiet, you hardly hear a noise from the outside world. I listened to Southend United win away against Northampton, watched a film on the computer, and listened to music to fill the rest of the day. Although the weather is sunny, but cold, there isn't a spare penny for doing anything else, however much I want to get out it's not going to happen for a while.

Money is getting so tight at the moment and I;m worried that there is a possibility of not being able to afford petrol to ferry the children about as the weather turns cold. It really will depend how much we can save while staying warm. I hope we can manage to find the money for next weekend because we all enjoy being together and seeing Lucy is so so important to me. I miss having them together as a family unit and that will never change, but it is the best I can do from a situation I never wanted or expected. I love everyone so much.

Hopefully a job will come along soon, and other things will improve too. I'm doing all I can and just hope someone notices me soon. In the job hunt it is demoralising sending out CV after CV and still being stuck at home. I love working and always have and I love all my family too.

Happy Times

.I have been looking through the blog from a year a so ago and noticed all the happy posts of girls having fun together in the sun. Things have seemed a little dark at the moment and that seems set to continue for a while, but I know in the end those happy days are going to return. It is just a question of time.

We might be in the depths of winter but warmer weather and longer days will be approaching soon as we move into the spring. I can't wait to get out and about again with the girls and start having fun again. At the moment things seem quite bleak but it can't go on forever when you have hope and believe in the future. Things will turn themselves around because they always do. Sometimes you just have sit out the bad times and wait for that new day to arrive. 

Blogger Comment Problems

It would seem that Blogger have introduced threaded comments to the comment system without fully testing it to see if it works or not.

Until the system is fixed and the functionality and settings of the original system are restored and added to the new system then there will be no more embedded comments on the blog. Instead a pop up comment box will appear to post comments, although you will still be able to read comments by looking at individual posts. 

Having looked into the problem there are number of issues affecting a great number of blogs on the site. These can range from comments that have disappeared, are wrong date and time stamps, and formatting and font issues. In extreme cases people have reported browsers crashing as a result of the changes.

Blogger are normally quick to pick up on things like this and I would a fix to be in place before too long. Once the fix is in place I will turn back on the embedded comment system.

Blast from the Past

In recent weeks on long journeys Emily and Catherine have started listening to the a series of radio broadcasts from the the hay day of radio. They are adaptations of the Paul Temple stories by Francis Durbridge broadcast between 1938 and 1968. With the coming of digital  radio the shows were rebroadcast on BBC 7, which later was renamed Radio 4 Extra. Over recent years these stories have become popular once again to the point that some of the original lost recordings were remade using the vintage equipment.

Over recent weeks Emily and Catherine have become addicted to the stories of Paul Temple, a mystery writer turned private eye, and his wife Steve as they solve a number of high profile criminal cases for Clients and Scotland Yard. Paul Temple is that typical English gentleman of his age and the closest he gets to swearing is when he say's "by Timothy", even when being shot at, drown or forced off the road by another car. Each programme comes with a cliffhanging ending that just makes you want to hear more until you get to the end of a series. They are classics of Radio of the time and you can see why he became one of the most popular private detectives of all time. The girls love him and especially his wife, Steve, and I'm just happy they have discovered the world of Radio Drama.

Understanding

I know I'm not a bad person. I will do what I can to help anyone in this world but sometimes things aren't possible all the time. I don't have infinite amounts of money in fact I have next to none. The things I do have lots of is love and understanding, especially for those who are closest to me.

In the past I have had my children when their mums have been unwell when it not my day to have them, I have looked after other peoples children for others , and done everything around the home and for the children when people were sick for months on end including cooking and buying special foods. For the people I have worked with I have always been there for them and I do what I can to help. I still offer to help everyone in any way I can because I care about people, especially those I hold in high regard. But where does that get you in the end? Some of those people either start to use you without a word of thanks, or worse they use you and while conducting some kind of smear campaign behind your back. You do your best and it feels like you are being taken advantage of or just plain used and all you want is a little understanding.

Well it can't go on, people have to understand each other and have empathy with each other. I have over the years learnt to think of others before myself, it is part of my work and part of me. You have to live your life getting on with other people and that sometimes means you have to listen to them and be listened too in return. I'm as ways ready to listen, and speak openly, but I want to be understood in return. I care about people so much that I have seen things and been through things only others can imagine, some shocking, and every time I have understood and been there for them, sometimes when others would have given up. I still do it now and always will because I do really care.

But, maybe it is time they repaid what I have done for them. It is time for people to think of my position for a change, just as I think about theirs. In lots of cases we care about the same things and it is not like I dislike like them at all.

Film of the Week - Amélie

This week film of the week is another European film and it is the story of an innocent girl in Paris who decides to help those around her and along the way, discovers love. The film in question is a master piece of the art of film making and it simply called Amélie.

The film is directed by the self taught frenchman Jean-Pierre Jeunet. As a testament to his craft the film became the biggest worldwide success of French cinema history and went on to win many awards. The direction is both stylish and slick and the acting, as if often the case in European cinema, is excellent. If you like watching films because they are pure works of art then you will just love this film.

I know I have mentioned the film in the blog before and that is for good reason, it is just a joy to watch and that what I hope I will get joy from it again when I see it again later in the week. If you have the film on DVD or you find it to rent, then watch it with me. I promise you won't be disappointed.

Shameless Returns Again

Today see's the return of the iconic show Shameless to Channel 4 with a new series hitting our screens. Now in it's ninth series if has to be one of the best drama hard hitting series on television, with its longevity being a testament to the excellent acting and writing that makes this a must see.

I fell in love with the show and have been watching for ages and ages. It is just a wonderful programme you can immerse yourself in. The characters are parodies and they jump out at you and make you realise that the world we live in is far from black and white. Their lives are complex and the problems the face are often difficult and their is no simple answer to what they face. What they all do share is that they are survivors in a world that is often hostile to their ambitions and dreams. It a real world they live in where nobody is perfect and life is hard. A world where you have to make the best of what you have got and have faith in those that are closest to you, even in the face of conflict within family units.

If you have never seen Shameless I do urge you to watch it. You can start at the beginning online and watch series one, but you don't have to. Each series stands on it's own and you can soon get in to the characters and the storyline. It a great way to spend an hour.

Lazy Day

It has been a strange weekend and a tired weekend and today wasn't much different. The longing to get out into the fresh air and shack off the mood was as prolific as it was the day before. It wasn't so much the wet ground that stopped us, but time itself. By the time it was dry outside we had to start getting ready for little Lucy to leave us.

The morning started off like many others. I was awoken by Lucy calling "Daddy" and I went into her room to find her smiling as she saw me. Soon we gathered her things and went downstairs and I made us both a drink and we sat together to wake up in front of the television. It is a lovely time, but one I fear won't last forever, she is getting older now and one day it will pass. As for now I will enjoy every minute of it and the cuddles.

Eventually Emily and Catherine came down from their room and joined us and it wasn't long before they all headed off to the family room. Lucy, wanting to make the most having both of them together broke out the boardgames and was soon encouraging them to join in with the games she wanted to play. After a while her attention turned to her other toys and as Emily and Catherine relaxed, she got busy cleaning and cooking. It was fun as she went round everyone asking what they wanted to eat and cleaning around our feet.

After lunch Charlie turned up. Nobody was expecting her, in fact Emily was waiting to be picked up to go to Annie's for the afternoon. Soon the house became alive with noise. Charlie is far from quiet, but Lucy seemed to love having her here. As Emily left I could still hear the lots of noise coming from the family room and the many shouts of Charlie's name from Lucy. It seemed like they were having a great time playing. When I popped my head around the door to make sure they were all right and they didn't want anything.

Just before three Charlie went home and that left Lucy, Catherine and myself to get Lucy ready to return home to her mummies. Soon we had her in the bath and we washed her hair, making sure the soap didn't get in her eyes which she hates. Then after a shake over the bath and in her bath robe it was off with Catherine to have her hair dried and brushed as I gathered all her things. Then with Lucy dressed in clean clothes she came in it was time to leave.

The drive to the city was a quiet one, as seems normal now, and Lucy managed to catch a few minutes sleep before Catherine woke her up. For once, I didn't feel like taking her to the door and so I said my goodbyes in the car. I just didn't feel like it, so Catherine dropped her off for me. Although Lucy wanted me to do it as usual, I just couldn't. When Catherine came back, we drove back to the country, talking about the Lucy, her sister and her mummy as we headed home.

Just before we got home we popped in to Oakham to pick up Emily from Annie's house. With everyone home I got on with cooking dinner for everyone before we all settled down to watch the new series of Dancing on Ice. It would have been lovely to have a coal fire like we did in the past, but things are a bit tight for spending money on coal. As the day ran out the girls went off to bed and I was left to think about the day and the weekend.

I was left at the end of the weekend with this felling it had all gone by too quickly for me. I loved having the girls together and it was all gone too soon. I felt so sorry for them all and that I had failed them. This life is far from what I planned, but I will make it better for them somehow. I just hope they understand.

When I look back all I wanted for them was a normal family and that hasn't happened for any of them in the end. They all two lives in different places and I can see with Emily now the pain that is causing her. Part of her wants to see her mum but the pull to see her friends is great. It is a balancing act she is finding it hard to deal with. That has yet to come for Catherine and Lucy, but come it will. I just hope one day they will realise that this wasn't what I wanted for them. In the case of the older girls this was out of everyones hands, it was just something that happened, in the case of the younger it wasn't my choice that things should turn out this way for her. I never wanted this, in fact it is the last thing I ever wanted, I did what I was asked but it wasn't ever going to be enough, nothing was.

It has been a very strange weekend and an emotional one and I feel very tired. Sleep is eluding me. I want to be positive and say that things will get better but it doesn't look that way at the moment. The things I would like for everyone need rebuilding and I know it might take some time to get there, but get there I will, for them. I want the children to feel untied and strong, it is something I always wanted for them, and I'm not the only one that wanted that.

For me I want to feel at peace with the world and be able to speak openly and be understood, but where to start is the question and how to achieve it. I hate unfairness, conflict and wars and for me I see the future is in understanding and love, and for that you have to have courage and be strong.

Finally I just hope the weather stay's mild. A cold spell could mean we don't see Lucy in two weeks time and could affect Emily and Catherine going to Leeds. I have to keep us all warm and fed and that has to be a priority at the moment. If a cold spell happens everything could be disrupted, will have to be played by ear. I hate all this.

Dancing on Ice - 2012

With Christmas well and truly out of the way and the decorations taken down it is that time of the year when dancing on ice returns to our screens. The shows starts tonight on ITV 1 at six thirty in the evening.

A firm favourite with families all over the country and this family is no exception. We all love the show and have been watching it for a years now. It is just a nice show that you can all sit down to and enjoy together, and being a celebrity based show you always know someone in it from somewhere. There have been some great shows over recent years and I hope that this one will live up to those of the past.

Cooking, Cleaning and Trains

I'm really looking forward to the spring and the longer days already. It's not the cold that is bothering me, it is the fact that it not dry enough to get out and have fun. I really dislike being stuck in the house all the time and I really long to get out into the  countryside again and watch the girls having fun in the fresh air.

I was woken as always by the sounds of Lucy calling my name. It was so lovely to find her in her room and smiling at me when I went in. We soon had all her things gathered together, after a cuddle, and made our way downstairs. She settled down in my chair to watch television as I made us both a hot drink. Lucy had tea and I had a nice cup of coffee as we both woke up snuggled in the chair.

When Catherine joined us we all had some breakfast before the morning play started in full. The cooker got the first look in this morning and soon Lucy was cooking food for Catherine and myself. From somewhere she managed to find a toy cake that fitted in the one of the pans perfectly. It looked rather realistic as she put it in the oven and cooked it on the rings. From there she moved onto cleaning the family room with her cleaning kit while Catherine directed her. It was rather handy she has a bit of a cleaning bug, she came through with some litter she had found and put it in bin. Soon her attention turned to her games. I'm not sure what she played with Catherine but it all sounded rather fun.

For lunch we had some sandwiches and crisps to keep everyone going until the main meal which we had at dinner time. Once the food was out of the way it was back to playing for Lucy. This time with me. We built a train track and soon we were playing together. One of the advantages of having long rooms is you can make some wonderful tracks and that is what we did. It was fun and we played until it was time to pop out and pick up some odds and ends from the shops in the middle of the afternoon.

After we came from the shops and put the shopping away Lucy went back into the family room to play with Catherine. They played some games and watched a little television until Emily came home. She creeped into the house, so that Lucy didn't hear her, and gave her a massive cuddle. As soon as Lucy saw Emily she wanted to play with her so they both went up to Lucy's bedroom and out came the Playmobile again. They were up there ages playing giving me a chance to cook dinner for the hungry tummies. It was Lucy's choice tonight and she wanted pasta, so I cooked everyone spaghetti bolognese with garlic bread. Lots of clean plates came back to the kitchen and puddings were handed out to follow.

With dinner out of the way all three girls took themselves off to the family room again. this time to play board games and watch television until it was time for Lucy to go to bed. This time it was Emily that started the story readings for the night followed by Catherine and then myself. I finally gave her some kisses and cuddles from the people she knows, before telling her I love her and turning out the light. When I got down I found Emily and Catherine on the sofa of the family room watching television. Emily look shattered from the night before and I think she was particularly glad to be heading up to bed.

It has been another strange day and I really to get out of the house and into the fresh air with the girls. I want to take in the green of the countryside and relax my mind. A lot of my day was spent feeling moody and sometimes I even felt stressed and anxious. I think I'm more emotional than usual for a number of reasons, but I'm sure it will pass. I did manage to relax when the house fell quite, which I guess, is something. With another part day with Lucy to come I hope things improve.

Tired Friday

Yet another sleepless night. I really getting bored of them now, but at least when I got up I had hope inside that it would be a good day. It was the day that Lucy comes to stay for the weekend. and that just adds to the fun that can be had from any day, and added to that it was sunny and not too cold for a winters day. It was just the day I wanted to lift my tired mind from the sleepless nights.

The morning started well before the alarm went off. I just lay in bed wondering why it was still dark and why I couldn't get back off to sleep. Nothing new there, it has been like that for nearly two weeks. It was just as I was starting to get off again when the alarm rang and up I got. Soon the girls were ready and we headed off to school with me going back home via the petrol station.

After a quick coffee it was out again. This time driving through the country to pick up little Lucy from her mummies in the city. The pick up was quick without a word really being spoken and the door was closed quickly. Soon lucy was in the car and telling all her news and for once everyone else's. Normally she only talks about herself, but not today. Like a jigsaw some of the pieces fell into place.

When we got back home, Lucy got a warm welcome from George. It always amazes me how pleased he is to see Lucy. He is always all over her. After a drink Lucy got on with playing with the toys she got for Christmas in the family room. Soon she was cooking me food making me drinks with the cooker she got at Christmas. She spent ages mixing the ingredients from the toy food and she had lots of fun making dinners especially, although although some of her recipes were a bit conventional.

Soon we were both getting hungry and so we headed out to the supermarket to pick up most of the food we needed for the weekend. It was while we were there that Lucy charmed a older lady that wanted to take her place in the trolly and be pushed around the shop. Lucy, however wasn't moving. She was enjoying placing the shopping around her too much as we went around the shop. With the shopping done, there just enough change left for Lucy to have a go on one of the new rides outside the shop. She loved it, it was just a shame I didn't have the money for her to have a go on the other ride.

When we got home I made us both some sandwiches and we both sat down together and ate them before we continued playing. I found some paper and she got her art set and she was soon drawing, sticking and making pictures. While they dried we moved onto other games. We played the fishing game she got at christmas that she loves so much before she got out her cleaning things and pretended to clean the living room. She just loves the little hover and the fact it actually works.

Soon it was time to get Catherine from school, Emily was off on another Friday night sleep over at her friends. Lucy got her shoes on and we head out the door and into the car with Lucy looking for her little cousin who she has spotted once or twice living the local school. When we got to the high school, Catherine was there waiting for us and as soon as she got in the car she gave Lucy a big hug. Lucy was pleased to see her, she had been asking where she was all day.

When they got home they settled down on the living room floor and Catherine got out her Playmobile for them to play with. I remember how much Emily, Catherine and Lucy's other sister loved Playmobile and it seems that Lucy is no exception. She had loads of fun with the little people and they were both making up like stories along the way for the little people to act out. I just watched, smiled and remembered.

As they played on I made some dinner for everyone. Nothing special just some roast chicken potions, roast potatoes, a mixture of fresh vegetables served with stuffing and gravy. It will be as close as we get to a roast this weekend. Things are tight. All three of us enjoyed the meal and Lucy did particularly well and ate all her pudding too.

After dinner the girls took themselves off to the family room to play and watch television together until it was time for Lucy to go to bed. I just listened to them having fun and thought. When we took Lucy up it was clear she was ready for bed. Catherine helped dress her and read her a story while I made her bed all snuggly. Then I read a her a couple more stories before giving her a kiss and a cuddle from the people she loves with a big special one at the end. Then as the house fell quieter, Catherine and myself did our own thing until Catherine went up to bed and joined her sister in the land of dreams.

The day started out so bright, but as it moved on my mood changed to something darker, even very shaky just after Lucy went to be, until I could distract myself. It is not that it wasn't fun for Lucy and Catherine but for me the fun disappeared, very early on and I was left feeling tired and moody. There was too much to think about to lift the mood, but I know I won't be beaten, one day things will get better. I won't let disappointments of today affect the direction I am going in. It will take courage, truth and forgiveness to get there, but it is a path worth continuing along, for as long as it takes.

You can't hide things away or wish them out of existence and avoid how you feel about things, but you can change them for the good. You just have to embrace those feelings and go with them and be open and honest. If things matter to you then sometimes you carry on however long that takes no matter how tricky the path gets. It been one of those days that would be best forgotten, but from it can come good, I know I just have keep faith. It will get better than this. I know what I want and what matters, and I will get there, nothing has changed, it just a little harder. Life goes on.

Celebrity Big Brother 2012

Here we are again and the start of another Celebrity Big Brother. I'm hoping that Channel Five pulls out all the stops and we get a cracking show that set us up for the summer. I know many, may be some of the executives at Channel Five included, would have been disappointed with the viewing figures for the main show, but  then again I thought the viewing figures did well against the autumn competition . This years main show be in it's rightful place smack in the middle of summer.

The format is the same of as that of the main show. People share a house for the duration of the show while being filmed 24/7. The housemates then get a chance to nominate housemates, normally once a week, to leave house via a public vote until the final week arrives. The winner is the housemate that stay's in the house to the very end. The main difference between the main show and the celebrity version is that later is shorter. The theory being is that celebrities have busier lives than everyone else on earth. Only time well tell who the celebrities will be for this years show. Rumours in the press change daily in the run up to the launch night.

Hopefully tonights show will be a big success for the television channel just like the main show in the autumn. Although show didn't get massive ratings it did pull the teen audience from the shows former channel, Channel 4. This meant Channel Five could charge more of advertising so supporting the cost of airing the show and increasing the companies profits. This has to be a good sign for the future of the format which looks like it is going to continue for some time to come.

The show starts tonight on Channel Five at nine o'clock. If like me you like to interact with the show you can do that via Facebook, Twitter or one of the many of the Big Brother forums like thisisbigbrother.com, which I think is the best of its kind on the net.

Another Sleepless Night

Yet another sleepless night. I really could do without them. My mind just races with thoughts and they won't be still so I can sleep. Then when I do sleep even the slightest noise brings back to the land of the waking. It just makes me so tired during the day and it has gotten worse recently and I know not why.

Then there is the dreams, which have a similar theme. They are not bad dreams, as such, just all that they all seem the same. It is probably the things I dream of that keep me awake, but they all rush by so quickly then I just can catch them. I just hope that one day my mind will settle down again at night and I will sleep like I did in the distant past.

What a Surprise

There is nothing like a bit of new year cheer to make you feel good about the coming year and don't we all need it at the moment. Unfortunately it won't be coming from the Government. They would rather take money from the struggling families in the country than the banks that caused the mess. I guess that shouldn't be a surprise as they are only supporting their paymasters. It just disappointing they said they are the party for families and they are robbing them to pay for the mistakes of the rich.

In a report by Family and Parenting Institute it said that families with children incomes with drop by over four percent over the next four years while families without children will just be one percent worse off. Most of this change will come from changes to the tax and benefits system purposed by the government. The research confirmed what many people had been thinking that families shouldering a disproportionate burden to pay for the mistakes of the past.

The government in reply to the report have said they are trying help by cutting fuel duty, freezing council tax and cutting income tax for millions. However that won't help the poorest without jobs, who don't pay council or income tax and can't afford to run cars. Those at bottom end of the income band, the poorest are going to hit the hardest. And with the economy still failing many of these families could be unemployed for years to come!

The polices being followed by the Government hardly live up the Conservative Party's family friendly tag line used in the election. These policy's include: increases in VAT, reductions in tax credits, cuts in housing benefit, a freeze on child benefits, the use of CPI to uprate benefits each year, and future reductions in council tax benefit. These changes, it is estimated, will see a further half a million children living in absolute poverty within the next four years.

My personal view is that the banks should paid their due in some kind of Robin Hood Tax. Then if we still have to feel the pain it should be shared out equally. People with children and the very poor should not be paying for the mistakes of the rich few. That is just unfair and I can't believe the Liberal Democrats are allowing it to happen without some kind of fight.