Happy Birthday Lucy

Been a long time since I posted a blog post, but it seems traditional that I do it on little Lucy's Birthday.

I hope she has a smashing birthday and she knows I love her to bit as do everyone one here. One day she might read this blog. I hope she does because it is full of her memories too.

Lucy turns 7

It has been a long long time since I saw my little princess, Lucy. Far far too long to be without her charming smile, beautiful blue eyes and her massive big hugs. I love her and always will. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think of her.

Today is her birthday and she turned seven this year. Every time I get to Halloween I remember the  events that lead up to her birth and that moment I pushed my little girl into the sunlight streaming though the hospital window. It is a time I will never forget. I miss her terribly and just hope that one day I will be able to see her again. 

If you ever read this Lucy, just let me say I hope you had a wonderful day and remember that Daddy loves and always will. I will never forget the time we had together and the smiles and the fun. God bless you little princess.

Slow Going

Well the process of updating the early part of the blog has started and I can say it is very hard going through all the missing pictures and matching them up with the pictures that were hosted on my Facebook account. Only a few post are complete with different pictures being in different albums on the site.

How long it will take is anyones guess but I will let you all know when it is finally done. The up side is going through the photos some of which never appeared on the blog is brought back some wonderful memories of days gone by. It just reminded my of the reason I started the blog and all the people that I love and who are special to me.

Another Fathers Day

It is that day again people send Fathers Day cards to their Dad's. To be honest it not a day that fills me with joy at the moment, although once it was one of the best times of the year for me, but that has long gone.

Now it is just another day, yes I will get cards, just two of them out of three, but it not the same, I miss seeing my children together and having fun and times they once had in the early days when Lucy was really small. If fact the last Fathers Day card I got from Lucy was back 2011. A blue and white one that had pride of place on the mantelpiece for a couple of weeks after, it was next to her picture in the frame she got me the year before. 

Lucy moving away from Rutland was a massive blow to me, no more so than it is now I reliant on the Bus to get me about. I can't say how much not seeing her affects me from day to day. I love all my children equally and not having them here together is always going to one of my biggest regrets in life. It just hurts so much and I know I missing out on so much too. I just wish I could have given the family life that all children need. It is what I hoped for when I came to Rutland so long ago now and something that never happened. To say I miss little, her hugs and cuddles, and today her fathers day card is underestimate of how I feel.

With Emily growing up so fast and her mother moving into the area, things haven't been the same with her. In fact I miss my Emily, the old one that worked hard at school and was kind and thoughtful. It is like she can do what she likes now and she can get away with it, but maybe that is just part of the teenage years but she has always need firm boundaries and these she isn't given now. Thank the Lord, Catherine is sensible and now working hard and catching her sister up at school and was there to day to say "Happy Fathers Day, Dad".

Six Today

Lucy turns six today, a most amazing little lady I love with all my heart and always will. Nothing will ever kill the love I have for all my daughters. She is one of my three special princesses and for as long as I live will have a massive place in my heart.

It is amazing how things come flooding back to you, how some thing just bring back memories. Unlike birthdays before this one has been so different for me. I found myself a few days ago listening the suite of the film “Forest Gump” and I found my mind wandering back to the time Lucy was just a small baby when I use to play the song in a rather large silver Renault Espace. On one occasion we were sitting outside a post office in Leeds and I can remember being so happy. When I listened to it recently I just was amazed how things have changed since then.

If you have followed the blog I haven’t seen Lucy since before the summer, despite a letter I sent giving possible dates. I haven’t heard a thing, nothing at all. All I can hope I will see her one day because without that thought part of my life will have died and with it a big part of me. Living without a child is hell on earth, and something you think of everyday. You can’t escape the knowledge that your children are some of the most special people in your life and for all the right reasons. I can’t wait to cuddle her again and hear her voice and Christmas and the year ahead won’t be the same without her.

What I hope for the future is to see her again, for everyone to make an effort so we can be together again. I love her so much and her loss hurts me at some point everyday. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think of her, wondering if she has lost her first tooth, how she is doing at school, and more. You can't forget the people you love.

Lucy

I thought I had better right this down before I just thought it was all a dream. I spent a lovely two hours with little Lucy. The first time I had seen her since the end of last summer. It been far too long to be away from one of your children that you once expected to see every day until she found her wings and left home and she was all grown up.

 

Seeing her again was like a dream come ture. To say I missed her all these months is the mother of all understatements. So playing with her again, chatting to her, cuddling her and having her sit on my lap was magical, even if it was only for a short while. What made it perfect was we had the weather on our side, it was a glorious day which was just made better by our smiles and our laughter. We drove to a small village park we had to oursleves and we played and played, it was like no time had past, we just carried on from where we left off.

It is funny to think that around 28th/29th of the month I moved to Rutland five years ago, to bring up a family in the countryside. If anyone had told me that my life would be like it is now I would never have believed them in a million years. I would never have guessed I would have been parted from my little one for more than a day, or at worse a few days. How things change, but one thing is always there, as I found out today, love. You can't take that away you can only give it to those you hold dear in life. Hold on to your love and it will keep you going even when times seem dark and grey, for the people you love always matter. Can't wait to see her again.

Another Birthday

Today my little one Lucy turns five. It is amazing how quickly time goes by. I still remember holding her in my arms when she was born.

There was so much promise back then and so much to look forward to. Now things have change so much my dreams back then seem like they were just that fantasy and nothing was real at all. I love her so much and always wanted to bring her up and play a full part in her life, but the chance of doing that past years ago. I’m just sorry it couldn’t be like that fot her.

I love Lucy, just like her sisters, and I just hope whatever she is doing she has a great time. I’m sorry, I’m not there.

Warm Saturday

It might have not been the sunniest day of the year but at least it was a warm one, and that meant one thing we could get out and about and enjoy some of the fresh air and the countryside.

So after getting Lucy it was out to the parks. We started in Oakham park, which Lucy loves, before heading to the some shops and then after lunch we went further a feild to the large park we had found a few months ago with the stocks. The park in question is in the village of Witham on the Hill in Lincolnshire. This time she had Catherine to play with and the two of them had a smashing time before we returned home for dinner.

With dinner cooked and eaten, lucy got on with playing with her sisters before it was time for her to go to bed. Soon she was all tucked up and after her kisses and cuddles from the people she loves, and a couple of stories from me and her sisters off she went to sleep. It was lovely to have her home again. I can't say how much I miss her when she isn't here.

The Weekend that Wasn't

This coming weekend is the weekend that wasn't. It was the extra weekend I was meant to be having Lucy to make up for some of the lost time from the month I didn't see Lucy in July, but it hasn't happened.  I wish I could make people understand how important family is to me. I wish I could say more but I just can't.

As you can imagine I'm upset about this. It was a shame in more ways than one, it was the first weekend I had some spare money and had so fun things planed for little Lucy including fun days out. I guess it can't be helped she hasn't seen her little sister because her holiday arrangements. All the same I was disappointed I could reach a compromise with her mummy. The worse thing is for me is I will never make any of this time up and every minute is so precious to me. I hate all this. 

Mixed Monday

It has been a mixed day in many ways, and that doesn't only apply to the weather. The morning was what I wanted and it wasn't a particularly good one, although it started off fine, it degenerated until after lunchtime. All I wanted was a lovely last day for Lucy and it just didn't happen the way I planned.

Thankfully the afternoon was a lot better than the middle of the morning and we got outside to enjoy the fresh air and the countryside. We first headed to the church were Lucy wanted to go and play the piano before heading through the village to the park. At the park she played for a while before we both headed off into the fields, looking for the rope swing that crosses the stream. Unfortunately time ran out before we found it and both of us had to return home to get ready to head to the city.

 

I hate driving to the city to take Lucy back and today was no different. It not just the idea of Lucy leaving me it is the city itself. I guess I have had my fill of the places. Nice to visit but not somewhere I would want to live when I know there is an alternative. I was glad to get out of the place but sad Lucy had gone. I don't think I will ever get use to it.

 

I just can't wait until Friday when she comes again. It has just been so lovely to have her for so long and this final visit makes up for all the time I basically missed out by not seeing her for over a month in earlier in the summer. It also the last time I will her before she goes to school and fingers crossed I can make it a little different from the summer day we have had so far. 

Summer Saturday

Summer has returned, that if you thought it ever started, and we have a warm spell. It might be just for a few days but at least we can expect a couple of dry days and hopefully they will be sunny too.

The one thing the warm weather allowed us to do was to get out and about and visit some of Lucy's favourite parks. So in the afternoon we headed out to Someby park which Lucy named horsey park because of the number of house riders that pass by from the local equestrian centre. It was lovely there as always, it is such a peaceful place and Lucy had lots of fun playing.

After had finished in Someby we headed back into Oakham to the park, were Lucy met Emily's friends Anna and Millie. They were just as pleased to see her as see was to see them. Soon Lucy was in the playground trying out all it had to offer and showing off all her skills. She even managed the fireman's pole for the first time all on her own, it was just a shame we had to leave when the parking ran out. 

It was nice to get out and about and enjoys some nice warm weather for a change. I just hope that this is a sign of things to come for a few more days at least.

Park with a Differance

The grey dull summer continued marching on and the only thing to do is to march on regardless and make the most of it with that British stiff upper lip.

Yet again the morning was much like the morning before and it was spent in the house, so again it wasn't until after lunch we got out. This time we headed out for a drive to find somewhere new. We ended up heading into Lincolnshire and there we found a park with a difference in the village of Witham on the Hill. Firstly the playthings were rather good for a village, they were more imaginative and challenging than normal and secondly we found a pair of stocks for naughty children that Lucy posed in. As a park it had a lot of potential for Lucy's bigger sisters too and I can see us going back there for a picnic. It was just a shame we had to go home.

I lovely finding new places with potential and glad we found somewhere new. There are rumours of better weather to come over the weekend and I just hope we manage to make the best of it. 

Out Again

Thankfully it was warm even dull it was rather dull for most of the day, and that allowed us to get out and about for a while to enjoy the fresh air which was good after yesterday.

The morning was spent doing very much other than waking up, watching television and playing. It seems the story of the holidays really. The day really didn't get started after lunchtime when we headed out to the park in Okaham before heading off to Stamford to feed the ducks. It was fun at the park but we were unlucky with the weather and  we had shelter under a willow tree to shelter from a shower. All the same it was nice to be out.

Hopefully we can get out again tomorrow and have some fun. I just hate being stuck in the house and I want us to have as much fun as we can.

Quiet Wednesday

Today was one of those days where nothing really got done and so little positive can be said of it really.

Fun was had in the morning watching television and playing and that was it was hardly a day to remember with the afternoon carrying on in the same way.  Hardly the fun I wanted for Lucy or any of the girls. I just want them to have a nice summer and anything that gets in the way of that is frustrating and annoying.

To be honest I have I been generally rather disappointed with the summer full stop. It has hardly been what I expected it to be and one of the worse I can remember in all the summers I have had. Luckily there are a few days of Lucy being here and another weekend to come and hopefully thing can be turned round.

Out and About

The weather still isn't wonderful, but the aim is to make the best of it when we get the chance and that is basically what we did today.

It was lovely to wake to Lucy's happy smile and then watch television together before starting the day with breakfast. The morning was spent mainly around the house getting on with jobs and playing. This took us nicely to lunchtime and to think about getting out somewhere in the afternoon.

In the afternoon we headed out into the countryside hoping we could find somewhere interesting to play where the sun was shinning. We ended up in Wing looking around the medieval maze and playing in the playground there. This turf cut maze, apparently, is one of a few of it's kind that remain and it is associated with the legend of Thesesus and the Minotau. We had a fun time there and thankfully we found that break in the cloud and had some fun in in sun.

Before retuning home we popped to the shops to pick up some supplies. There Lucy had a turn on the rides before we left to cook some dinner. When we got home I got on with cooking while Lucy watched television until it was time to eat. After dinner there was some time left for her to play before I finally put her to bed with her stories and kisses and cuddles from the people she loves.

I live in hope of some good weather. It feels like most of the summer has been spent inside this year mainly because of the weather.

Parted For the Summer

Today was the last day that Emily and Catherine are at home over the summer holidays. They are both off to stay with their mum until the day before they go back to school. It was a situation that arose when their mum couldn't get the time off work to match Lucy's time here.

The result of this was that most of the morning was spent travelling up and down the A1 to drop Emily and Catherine off at there mums. It wasn't something I like to have to do with Lucy on the car just because the trip is long and boring and that is hardly ideal for an active four year old. All the same it had to be done and after their goodbyes the three girls were separated and we returned to Rutland.

When we arrived back and after lunch was out of the way it was time to let Lucy lose in the parks in the area. In a total we went to three parks over the course of the afternoon, and while at the village park we even managed to do some raspberry picking from some nearby bushes. It was nice to be able just to get out in the fresh air after sitting in the car most of the morning and Lucy made the most of her time having fun and making new friends along the way.

Eventually the fun at the parks had to come to an end and after dinner Lucy went to sleep after her stories and cuddles. As always it just a joy for me to have Lucy at home again. To see her playing in the parks and joining in her games is a shear delight that I will never tire of. It was just a shame that her sisters couldn't join in the fun today and had to leave in the morning, but that is life.