Glorious Friday

Well I couldn't ask for better weather with October just around the conner to have Lucy for a weekend. We are in the middle of a heatwave of the kind we haven't seen in years and it looks set to stay that way for the rest of the weekend to come. The weather really is glorious for the time of year, in fact according to the news it was the hottest last day in September for one hundred years.

After a rubbish nights sleep I gave up and got up just before seven. I was just so anxious I couldn't sleep. I don't think I even managed four hours sleep. Thirty minutes or so later I could hear Emily and Catherine getting up and ready for school. An hour later, after breakfast and pack lunch making we were heading off down the road in the car together chatting about seeing Lucy and the weekend. Thankfully for once, when I got back I manage to get a parking space and didn't have to walk miles to get home. I have never known the local primary school to generate so much traffic as it does now.

Once I got home there was just enough time for a coffee and a quick shower and a shave before heading out to the city. Although I left on time I didn't allow for my bodily needs and ended up being late after searching for a petrol station with a toilet. When I did arrive I was greeted by Lucy who opened the door and flew into my arms. It was a lovely welcome and as soon as I was passed the bag we head down the path with her after she gave her mummy a kiss. As we headed back to countryside she chatted and chatted about the things that she had been doing and I asked the questions it was suggested I ask her without much success so it is back to the drawing board on that one.

It wasn't too long before we arrived in the village of Somerby and went to what has now become know a the horsey park because of the near by equestrian centre and the number of horses and riders that past the gate to the park. She really loves that little park. She even asked if we were going there after she asked if Emily and Catherine were in the car. It is lovely little park and like the last time we were there we both had loads of fun playing on the things it has to offer. Much use was made of the slide and the swings before imaginative play kicked in and she was playing shop keeper and making me ice creams to order. The shop counter being one of the tires on the climbing frame. It was nice in the sun but in the end it came to the time to leave and we headed back into Rutland without compliant from Lucy.

When we arrived back in the village there were no parking spaces near the house because of people picking up there children from school and people working at the school using the roads near by to park their cars. It is starting to become a village wide issues as it not just directly outside the school. So moan aside we headed towards the village church. It was the one places Lucy had wanted to go last time she was here and we never got to and it had the advantage that churches seem naturally cool. For some reason the church has become a special place for me it is so peaceful even with Lucy in it calling my name so to spend time there is always a delight. Of course she played the piano, with the toys she found and did some role play when she was in the pulpit. It was all good fun and when we looked at the book of remembrance for those that had died in the great war there was the photograph of a person that lived in my house over hundred years ago with his mother.

When I got home there was a little hungry tummy to feed and after she gave George a Lucy welcome she sat down and waited for me to get her dinner. Nothing special but something quick. I knew she would be hungry when we got home, she always is. After stopping for food she was off finding all her toys and things she loves playing with. The dolls house got special attention today. It was nice having her back, that ability she has brightens peoples days is not lost on me although she has her naughty side too, but what three year old doesn't. They can be demanding a well, but that is understandable too given she wants to make sure I'm there and not going anywhere and now I know that is just a thing that goes away with time the longer she stays. It was fun playing with her around the house but we couldn't miss out on the weather.

The final destination for our afternoon together before we met up with Emily and Catherine was the park in Oakham. A park that Lucy loves and knows so well. She set off playing but unlike the last time she was there there was less running around than normal and she was more selective on the things she played with. preferring the swings for some reason when normally she spends most of her time in the playground. When she did get in the playground she did manage to find a little friend to play with which is always rather fun to watch. After a while I think the weather was getting the better of her so we headed for the church to cool down. There is a toy corner there and she played there before we headed back to the park for the final minutes before we had to leave.

From the park we headed to the school where we waited for the bell to ring and Emily and Catherine to appear through the turnstiles. Lucy was assigned the job of spotting them and she kept a close eye on the young people as they emerged from the school. It was long before her keen eye spotted Catherine and she was shouting her name out of the car window.As soon as Catherine got into the car she gave Lucy a massive hug, before she joined Lucy looking for Emily. We had quite a wait, normally she appears with her friend Millie, but today Millie passed us by minus Emily. We waited and we waited and she appeared with a big smile on  her face an ice cream in her hand she had bought with her pocket money. She gave Lucy a big welcome when she got in the car and as a bonus a lick of the ice cream.

From the school we headed to the supermarket in Oakham. We needed to pick up some food for dinner and some other essentials. Emily and Catherine had loads of fun together going around the aisles with Lucy in the trolly. It didn't take long and soon we were leaving. As we left Lucy wanted to go on the children's ride near the entrance, but I didn't have the cash in my pocket so that had to wait for another time. Lucy, bless her, was fine with it and off we went home where the girls made up for lost time. They just got on with playing while I cooked the dinner we had brought.

Dinner was a simple and quick affair, it had to be as Emily had to get ready and get off for a party, a process that is taking longer and longer. We settled for sausages, steamed vegetables and boiled potatoes. Simple but nice and with the sausages grilled it reduced the fat in the meal by avoiding adding extra fat adding from frying the food. Something I am keen on doing is steaming vegetables and this avoids adding salt in boiling to add flavor. Vegetables have much more natural flavor when steamed. Emily isn't keen on the steamed vegetables, but is nothing new in terms of my cooking but, just something I haven't done in years. She will just have to get use to it as I'm not going to give up on the more healthy food. Once dinner was out of the way we all got in the car and drove in to Oakham to drop Emily off at her friends birthday party.

It was on the way back from dropping Emily off at her party that a low point for me occurred when Lucy said she lives with mummy now it was like someone stabbed my heart with a knife. I wanted her to feel she had two homes and that we would share bring her up. I have this feeling of being cut out of her life for awhile and that didn't help. I didn't have a child to become some part time parent, it is not me. I want to be involved in her life, not cut out of it and I don't want her to feel that I have ever cut her out of mine. That is so far from the truth she is just much a part of my life as Emily and Catherine. I know it will all sort itself out at some point but I hope that point comes sooner rather than later. It doesn't have to be like this. Despite this I wasn't going let it show and spoil everybody's day.

When we got home there was just a few more minutes to play with Catherine before Lucy went to bed. They both made the most of it, but it wasn't long before Lucy was heading up to stairs to bed. She seemed more than happy to be going to bed. She had a busy day I guess.

Lucy was was looking forward to a story form Emily at bedtime, but Catherine made up for it and read her two stories while I searched for her bottle she had managed to forget where she lost it. After a short while I found it and joined them to hear the last part of the second story from Catherine. Lucy with her bottle settled down for my story before she got her kisses and cuddles and went to sleep. It was nice to have her back again.

Emily appeared again just after nine, dropped off by Millie's mum, full of stories of the fun she had at the party with her friends. Soon she settled down to relax for a little while and unwind before I sent her and sister to bed, who had been watching television on the computer in the family room. Soon they joined Lucy in her land of dreams.

It was just before midnight that Lucy woke up. She had had dry cough all day but it didn't seem to be productive. Just one of those thickly coughs children seem to get sometimes, even Lucy didn't seemed to concerned about it other than she told us she had a cough every so often. It wasn't clear if it was then of something old or the start of something new. When she woke however things had got worse. It was the cough that woke her and her breathing wasn't as good as it had been during the day, although at first she said it was a bad dream but it was clear after a few minutes what the real cause was. Emily heard her shouting to and came into the room and as I hugged her, she told her a story. Soon she was back in bed but given she has had breathing problems in the past and what happened last time back in February, I was in two minds what to do in the morning  When finally I felt comfortable going bed in the early hours of the morning myself but I did wonder how much that time in February hit her confidence.

I have had a lovely day since I picked up Lucy. It really has been wonderful to have her again especially with the weather being the way it is. I so looking forward to another couple of lovely days with all my girls together once we see how Lucy is in the morning and decide if she needs to see the doctors or not. something is not right so I think the doctors might be the right option to put my mind at rest as I don't want to have another night like tonight. It not fair on one so little.

Indian Summer

Well it has certainly been warm for the time of year. I can't remember a autumn sunny like this in years. It touched nearly 80 in the garden late this afternoon and when I picked the girls up from school I had to have the air conditioning on in the car to cool it down.

Not that I am complaining, I'm loving it. It is just what we need before the winter sets in to cheer our souls and warm our hearts. I'm just hoping the weather going to carry on into the weekend so we can get out and about and enjoy it. Soon things are going to get hard in so many ways and it would be a lovely way to spend some time before then.

Beautiful Rutland Take Three

In Saturday's post I said I would take my camera out and about with me to take some photographs of Rutland in it autumn glory. Here are some of the first pictures I have taken over the last few days.

I must with the sunshine Rutland is really looking wonderful at the moment and with temperatures set to rise it is going to be a lovely weekend here. I love Rutland and all about the place. It is beautiful and a jewel in the English countryside.

Sad news

I have been a moderator on the forum thisisbigbrother.com for many years now. I have seen people come and go, even a few return. Sometimes people stop posting without any reason. They seem to cut off their friends they have formed and just move on. I guess there can be many reasons why this happens but it does leave the mystery of what happened to them and why did they leave.

The internet and especially forums are transient in nature. People pass though them at various stages of their lives and move onto pastures new. What is unusual is that they just disappear and nobody had an idea there were going to do that. One such case was a user called Andyman who just stopped posting, his last post being in the early hours of morning on the 10th march 2010. With over 19.000 posts to his name he just disappeared and never return with leaving a reason for his departure.  

There was a lot speculation why he had left and call for him to return.  The truth is they fell on deaf ears. The emails and message that members sent him on the forum and on places like facebook never got to him. He had died a few days after his last post, if not that day and nobody ever knew. He just seemed to dissuader.

It was only after another member of the adim team spotted another reference to him on another site did the digging begin. Following the information trail he discovered a post by his family moarning his passing. Put that with the information he had already it was clear that Andyman was no more and had passed into memory in his early thirties.

It was sad news indeed and when it appeared on the forum and on the TiBB facebook groups that people understood the mystery disappearance. Some felt bad for the messages they sent after his death to get him to go back to the forum, but they have to understand they didn't know why he left. They had no idea he had died and never would have guessed that his fate.They have no need to feel bad because they never knew the truth.

Andyman left us all a legacy in his posts on the forum, but more than that he touched our lives. There has been some lovely things said about him. Old closed threads have be reopened that became to big and slowed the forum down. Even old members that had disappeared themselves have returned to play their respects for a wonderful person and a great poster. Within the forum and in our lives a bit of him continues on. I just hope her knew how well respected he was how much people liked him. He made us laugh and now we miss him.

Life. like the internet, is transient too. We all have little time on this earth, to fill it will any kind of bad feeling. Doing this without resolving differences, especially were there are no real differences, is foolish beyond measure. Life is for living and that means sometimes resolving things, talking , and understanding others views  Time is too precious too waste.

Finally I just want say one thing I hope wherever Andyman is now is safe and at peace. I hope he knew the love his family and those who touched his life had for him. He is missed by many and will be for years to come.

Remeberance

In the post a few days ago there popped through door a letter from The Royal British Legion in it there was a wooden cross of remembrance. Catherine was asking about it and what it was for so I explained and asked her if she would like to place it in one of the war graves in Cottesmore and she said yes.

Although it is a long time until remembrance Sunday today after school we all headed out to Cottesmore with our little wooden cross. They picked the grave of Sergeant (553190) Anthony Greenaway a wireless operator/air gunner who died at the age of 18 on 17th June 1941 and we placed our little cross by his grave. I tried looking him up on the internet but there really nothing about him other that he was the son of Walter and Rosalyn Greenaway of Rugeley in Staffordshire. There was nothing about how he died or what he was doing when he died.

Emily was shocked at the ages of the people that died, the number of teenagers is relatively high especially among the members of the British forces.  Anthony Greenaway, after all, was only just over 5 years older than her when he died which Catherine pointed out. I explained what they were fighting for and why we remember them even now. What I rather liked about the grave they picked where the words at bottom of the stone which read "At the setting of the sun we will remember him". It wasn't quite sunset but he was remembered today.

Interesting Weekend

It has been a interesting weekend. Once in a while it good to just take sometime for yourself to think and just do what you feel like doing. For this I was hoping for a quiet weekend. Although I'm not normally a big fan of weekends like that it is sometimes just nice to be and it is what you need. Unfortunately that really did happen as I wanted it, but I think I discovered there is more to my life than it is now and within it hope.

There is so much going on in my head at the moment. The situation with Lucy is just one little bit of it that has been mentioned on the blog but there is so much more going on. I need  time to be me rather so kind of shell of a person. I need to connect again to my own thoughts. I have seen what I was like six or seven years ago and I wonder where I lost that part of me. I know it is still in there somewhere and I also know I need to reconnect to it in some way. The drive is still there but I'm asking what happened to that person and why can't I project that out again. Where has the fun gone.

I'm still the same person and all that has happened is the things that have occurred in my life that has just left me feeling numb. I might be wiser now and understand more about people and the things that affect their lives and have the same beliefs, but I have also stopped fighting for what I believe in because I'm not putting myself forward. I don't feel I can say what I feel and that makes me feel trapped. At times I just give up the fight until I realise what I believe in is actually worth fighting for.

One thing I learnt over the weekend is that we all deserve respect, even if others think we are wrong. Without respect there is nothing in this world but conflict and wars. Living in a world of conflict is not fun, in fact it should be avoided if at all possible. Trust me I know, however respect comes on different levels and if we don't respect ourselves then we can't respect others. So self love plays a part in this as well as love for those you hold dear. You have to stand up for what you believe in but at the same time understand and adapt to what others think to arrive at a compromise by respecting others. At the moment I don't feel the respect I deserve from people for what I have done in the past or do now.

Despite all that is going on in my life someone managed to restore my faith in the world and the people in it. It was what I needed. To see things don't have to be the way they are. It is not just about the individual it is about being compassionate to the problems of others and helping each other out. It is from having empathy with other people that comes the hope we can create a better world. We will never get there by imposing our views on people around us or hating others we have issues with. It is all about being compassionate about others in our world and knowing those you love and matter to you and never giving up hope and loving with them understanding.

Autumn

With the passing or the autumn equinox, when the amount of daylight equals the amount of darkness, a couple of days ago we are well and truly into autumn now an with that has come some lovely sunsets after some indifferent days.

Hopefully I will remember to take the camera out with me and capture some of the lovely sights of the session over the next week or so. Some of the colours of leaves on the tress can be breath taking at this time of year as the green turn to yellows and reds. It is a sight I will never tire of and it for this reason that I love this time of year. 

It is an ideal time for taking photograhs. This year if the weather forecasts is to be believed we still have one treat to come, a week of sunshine and warm weather starting from the middle of next week. It will be a great time to be out and about.

X Factor Starts Stateside

Last night the first audtions form the X Factor USA was broadcast in the UK on ITV 2, having first been aired by Fox the night before. The look of the look of the show is much like it's original UK counter part but being shown in America everything is that slightly bit bigger but the format has hardly changed at all.

It was a good start and some of the singers were wonderful but the rating haven't been as good as Simon Cowell will have wanted with an estimated audience of just over 12 million for the opening show, half that of the competing American Idol show. The judging panel looks great and I love L.A. Reid's crazy version of dancing to the music he digs, it is just so funny to watch. If you missed the first show you can watch the repeat on Saturday morning at 9.40am on ITV 2 and it is followed by a repeat of tonight's show that starts at 9pm on ITV 2.

Life

Something today made me realise that life is too short. Life is for living because it is a to precious a time to waste. It is about getting on with the people in your world and living with them and not fighting them. It is all about love and understanding. Making the most of everything you have.

My love of life is just as strong now as it was ever was, maybe even more. The joy in life is still there despite the few things that were far from pleasant experiences. There is so much that is beautiful in life. There is so much to live for. There is so much to love about life and all those that mean the world to you. The beauty in this world is amazing and all you have to understand there is beauty in all of us and the world around us and just enjoy it.

Trust me the life isn't for conflict, it is for love and understanding. It is about getting on with people and seeing the beauty in everything, for it is there to find, especially in people, despite what they some might think about themselves inside. You can't control the world but you can live in harmony with it, balancing the good of the one against those of the many, understanding those you meet. By doing that you create happiness and enjoyment and isn't that together when combined with love what we all want?

The League of Gentlemen

Last night I found myself watching the first series of League of Gentlemen.  I just wanted something to watch that would make me smile. Something familiar that gives you that warm feeling. There is nothing better than something that has all the qualities of a masterpiece.

The League of Gentlemen is actually a group of four British dark comedy writers/performers, formed in 1995. It is also title of a sketch-based television show in which this group of talented artists appeared. In series one the common link of the sketches was the common setting, fictional village of Royston Vasey. In the second and third series sketches were developed into a sitcom by the inclusion of a storyline. So inferential at the time it was broadcast it  one of the shows credited with the revival of the sketch show format in BBC comedy that influenced following shows like little Britain.

I should imagine it one of those shows people either love or hate, but personally I think everyone should love the show because it just that good. The characterisations are second to none. It is well acted, well written and has that timeless quality that means you can watch it again and again. It is all these qualities which make it an amazing series of programmes and why I watched it again last night. If you haven't seen it do, and if you have it sitting on a shelf just dust off the DVD's and watch it again.

So Frustrating

This is so frustrating, I have something important to sort out and the BT home phone had decided it only wants to receive text messages when it feels like it.

Normally this wouldn't be a problem but when it is the only way you communicate with someone that ignores emails and any other form of communication then it is a right royal pain. Having done all the checks my end BT tell me they have an engineer on to it but they didn't say when it will be fixed. Lets hope it is soon.

Forrest Gump

One of my favorite films is Forrest Gump, a film I didn't discover to well after it first appeared in the cinema but one I fell in love with when I watched it on the small screen. It also seems like an unlucky film as every time I get it on DVD it seems to disappear for one reason or another. I have had two copies of the film to date.

It is one of those feel good movies that leaves you full of hope and with a warm heart. The sort of film you should watch when you need your day or life brightening up. It is simply a film with magical properties and has a child like innocence that just makes it charming. It a film for an older family and one that they can all enjoy and just sink into. It way I want another copy of this film I love so much.

Well it is Sunday

I want to start by saying this, I am determined to finish this post. The reason I say that is that since Lucy moved to Leicester I have never finished a post about the day she left. All I have ever done is write notes, sorted out the pictures and made comments on the end of the day. Today it is going to be different. I will finish this post, and that will hopefully motivate me to finish the others.

When I heard Lucy calling in the morning I got up and joined her in her room and as I opened the blinds and I saw what I wanted to see. The sun was shining and the rain of the night was gone. The only problem was there were things to do, that needed doing from the day before, and they could get in our way of us enjoying the day. All the same it was more than welcome sight and I knew we would have a reward once the tasks of the day were completed if we got them done quickly.

Anyway that aside and back to the day, Lucy gathered her things we both headed downstairs. As I made my first coffee of the day and a cup of tea for Lucy we were joined by Catherine who got on with making breakfast. For me it meant I got to watch the two of them together waking up, rather than being an active part of process. Not that I minded, it was nice to hear them chatting and then sitting down to watch television together. What more it allowed me to think about the day to come. 

Eventually Lucy, now bored by television and fully awake, decided that it was time Emily joined us. I was in complete agreement. I knew Emily was tired from the sleep over the night before but if I had any chance of getting her sleeping pattens back to normal before school on tomorrow I had to act now. Letting her sleep in would just create problems later in the week. With that in mind I went up with Lucy to wake her. Lucy can tackle her ladder to the top bunk on her own and she was soon giving a good morning cuddle to wake her. Although Emily liked the cuddle she wasn't so keen to get up, but that is the price you pay for staying up late and it is one well learnt.

With all the girls up we set about some cleaning. The family room was a mess and since it was their room it was only fair they cleaned it. It had to be done. Cleaning is not something that everyone loves doing but with a bit of encouragement Lucy was well away picking things up if the task wasn't to big. Catherine on the other hand seems to have something against cleaning and it requires a lot effort to getting her to do things, she can start cleaning but it takes her age to do it. That is were the naughty step comes in handy. Thankfully Emily is much more like Lucy, just set her away and she gets on with it. While they did this I got on with the kitchen and the cooker. By the time we all finished we all agreed the place looked a lot better and a nice place to be in. Hopefully they remember that the next time it is time to clean.

With the cleaning out of the way we headed for the shops. There was lunch and dinner to buy as well as sweets to buy for Lucy and her other sister, Mary. Along the way we picked up a colouring book and some coloured pencils for Lucy to take back to her mummy's. The later was bit of a guilt buy and although I know friends tell me she will understand the truth one day it still feels that I am letting her down by not seeing her enough. That aside we did have fun at the shops and I can't ask more than that.

Lunch was quick and simple. We had had hot dogs, which take no time at all to cook and are loved by everyone, followed by fresh strawberry's and  cream for pudding. Not up the standard of food we had eaten up until then but at least we side stepped the cheap hot dogs for the really nice one. What I didn't realise was that a three year old could be make such mess with the strawberry's and cream. Who every invented baby wipes should win an award for cleaning up little girls faces. All the same, the wipes couldn't save her top which ended up in the washing machine.

 

It was just after we finished lunch that Millie arrived. It was something both Lucy and Emily were looking forward to. I know from what Lucy said as I picked her up that she wanted to see Millie so I was so pleased when Emily managed to arrange it for both of them. Millie is a lovely girl and she gets on so well with everyone. Emily and Millie played on the Xbox in the living room and Lucy joined in the best she could. Catherine meanwhile seem happy doing her own thing in the family room.

As time moved on to Lucy leaving, I pressed everyone to get out and enjoy the sun that was beaming down on us at the time. Emily was a bit reluctant at first but soon came round to my way of thinking. Catherine was up for it from the start. As for Millie, she just was happy what ever she did. She is a great friend to Emily and Emily is a great friend to her. I hope it lasts for both of them.

As we walked down the path Lucy asked if we could take her football. I said yes and she ran back of it. I might have ended up carrying it as I held Lucy's hand as we walked to the park but it turned out to be a great idea.

When we arrived at the park Lucy headed off for the slide and older girls to the swings. It wasn't long though before they were all together again and heading down towards the little house and the bicycle ramp. Lucy surprised us all when she at last worked out how to get to the top of the bicycle ramp on her own. She was so pleased with herself. I can't describe how big her smile was, you just had to be there to see it. I was so proud of her. It great to see you children achieving things that are important to them what ever they may be. Anyway, Catherine joined her on the ramp and soon they were both sliding down hand in hand, while Millie and Emily carried on playing on the roof of the house. I wasn't sure about them being up there but then I remembered I did it that sort of thing at there age and it is just part of growing up. They weren't being silly.

After a while the ball came in to play, and it was with the ball they had the most fun with in the park. They formed teams, Lucy the fearless and Catherine the bold verses Emily the skilful and Millie the brave. The game wasn't so much football but a form rugby never before seen on this earth. The game was all about having the ball and never letting it go and if the other team had it to take them out and get the ball back. The only rule seemed to be that hitting the opposition wasn't allowed but tickling was and it was used with grate effect. The ultimate object of the game, however, was to have as much fun as possible and that is what they had.

It was lovely in the park it was just a shame it all had to come to an end. Everyone had so much fun and the sun shone down on us the whole time. I will always love village park because for such a simple place and it is somewhere I feel happy and safe. It is a place you can just be.

Once home again the preparations started to take Lucy back to her mummy's; find all her bits, packing her bag with her cleaned beaker and blanket and making sure she looked her best. I just wanted her to look nice for her return and after dropping Millie back off at her home we started the drive to Leicester.

The drive back to Leicester was really quiet compared to the trip Langham a few days before. Lucy hardly said a word. She just sat there and all the attempts by the girls to get her talking seemed to fail. Normally she just talks and talks in the car. Of course it might have been the under lying mood in the car. We all act cheerful and positive, but under that is different feeling. I know the girls didn't want her to go and I know for sure I didn't. She is a little ray sunshine and that ability to make people smile is very special indeed. We all understand the situation and we get on with it, but it still doesn't stop feeling about the people you care about at times like these. 

We were a little late getting to Leicester as got stuck behind slow traffic on the country road. In hindsight I should have left a little earlier to allow for it but with it being Sunday I expected a clear run. When we arrived at her mummy's house the girls gave her a hug while I got her bag from the boot and then walked her across the street. At the door I gave her a massive hug and then she was gone. On the way home I wished the girls had picked happier music, but I guess they picked it to match there mood. It fitted mine.

What seemed to be really strange as it approached the moment to leave the heavens opened, the rain fell and the sky took the colour of my mood about Lucy leavening. I would rather it had been sunny but it seem ironic that while we were playing in the park the sun was shining and as we left it was raining. It felt really odd, and although it was still sunny in Leicester it was still grey and dull in Rutland when we returned.

When we got home I got on with making dinner. Nothing special just something quick. That was all that was needed so we could get on with things we needed to do until the end of the day. For the girls this meant doing homework, relaxing and talking to friends. For me it was something different, something I didn't need or want at that time. I just wanted to think and that wasn't what I got to do. Thankfully that moment pasted and the next was getting the girls to bed for school. Thankfully after that, at least, things took a turn for the better and the night ended well.

It is interesting that I have now finished this post I can clearly see the contrast in time before Lucy leaving and that after. It is probably the reason I have never finished a post about her leaving since she moved. I guess I find it hard to deal with what has been created from someone that was meant to unite rather than divide and that what I feel we have now. Access for me is becoming an issue again. Something I thought we had sorted and now it is mess. I feel cut out and I just want to be included in decisions about her life and know what she is doing. It's not that I think anything nasty of her mother, far from it, but I would like some meeting in the middle, some honesty and us working together for our child. All I wanted for Lucy is to be be part of stable family, that was taken away years ago and now we can only do the best we can for her. She will never know a real family like I did.

Sun and Showers

It was a day of sun and showers. From one moment to the next you really didn't know what was coming along weather wise. At one minute you could be looking out of the window and the village church would be surrounded by grey cloud then when you looked twenty minutes later it would be surrounded by sun. Thankfully the most of the showers were light and short until late afternoon when they decided to let rip and rain poured down.

It was lovely hearing Lucy's voice in the morning calling my name and it to see her beaming face when I walked in the room. It was long before she gather her things and came downstairs. She wanted the television on and settled down while I made her a cup of tea in her beaker and a coffee for myself. We sat together as we both woke up. I'm not sure what we watched I didn't really care.

Before too long Catherine joined us and made breakfast for herself and Lucy. Good thing I had got some fruit the day before because Lucy had already polished off a banana before she polished off her breakfast. I'm not sure were she puts it all. With breakfast out of the way they both went off to play.  Given they both love drawing and painting I thought that was whet they might both do, but I was wrong. Imaginative play was the order of the day. Even when Catherine wanted to watch one of her favourite programmes this continued for Lucy and she took George around the garden for a pretend walk, marching as she went.

As it approached eleven we got ready to pick up Emily from sleep over at her friends in Oakham. All morning Lucy had been asking when she was coming home. When we arrived I was greeted by her friends dad. His only words being never again. He had five almost teenagers for the night and after telling each other ghost stories they wanted to do anything but sleep. According to Emily she can remember the clock ticking past six in the morning before they finally settled down to sleep. Although it sounds like they had a great time I do feel for him. Emily was tired, as you can imagine but she was happy to see her sisters again too.

Before we left I had put on lunch. Roast Pork, boiled new potatoes. steamed fresh peas and carrots and spring greens. The idea was by having Sunday dinner on today we would be able to spend more time doing things tomorrow when the weather forecast seemed better. I wanted to maximise the fun we all had together. As it cooked I listened to them playing in the background and soon we were all round the table eating and chatting, and with tummy's full they went off to play before we headed out again.

One of the places Lucy wanted to go to when I picked her up was Northfield Farm. She wanted to see the piggies again.  I can understand why, earlier in the year we had watch the birth of piglets and it had stuck in her memory. She even mentioned it as we pulled up in the car. Thankfully we we got to the place where the piglets and thier mothers kept we found new piglets. The ones she saw born would be as large as the a mummy pig by now.  She loved them as did her sisters. What I like about the farm is I feel it gives them connection with nature and the food we eat which is  a wonderful thing.

The next destination was the park in Oakham. Lucy ran to the park and when we got there she was sitting on the big swing. She had got on one of them all by herself and had the big "I have done" it smile on her face. Emily joined her and as I pushed Lucy she was telling me how she was a big girl now. It was ever so sweet. Soon Lucy ran off to go to the play ground and Emily and Catherine followed her and soon they were all playing with her. Emily was encouraging Lucy to tackle some of the things she is yet to master on the climbing frames. We were there for quite awhile but in the end a shower came along and spoilt the fun. What was really nice was when Emily gave Lucy her top to keep her dry. It was a nice show of sisterly love and one that Lucy found touching.

Once we had finished at the park we had some shopping to do. This was slightly more unusual in that we were buying party food. Back in late June I had said to Catherine that for her birthday we would do a birthday dinner. In the end that never happened. Lucy was meant to be here for her birthday but because Lucy moved to Leicester that never happened.  Today was the day to right that wrong. We went shopping for that birthday dinner. It was a bit late for cakes with candles, but at least we could make some cakes, have some party food and have some fun.

Once we got home I got the oven on and the girls started making cakes. As usual they made a real mess except of the bowls which were licked clean. As we waited for the cakes to cool I got on with making the rest of the party food. It wasn't long before were all sitting around eating our food and at last I had fulfilled my promise to Catherine that she could have a party dinner for her Birthday. I was just sorry that it took so long. Although I thought I had cooked to much food there was hardly anything left by the time we had finished.

After dinner the girls played together until it was time for Lucy to go to bed. Emily was going to read her the first story but somehow Catherine managed to get their first, so Emily read her the second. Finally I read her one more story before giving her kisses and cuddles and after another tiring day she fell straight to sleep.

When I came down I found Emily in the living room playing Harry Porter on the X Box and Catherine watching television in the family room. I love having the girls about and it was nice watching Emily play her game. I think the sleep over the night before had worn her out and all she wanted to do was to relax.

It has been a fantastic day and I know I have really enjoyed and from what the girls have said they have too. I just can't wait for tomorrow to come and although Sunday's are quite different and always feel more rushed I hope we can have another super day.

Finally, there is one thing spacial that came from the day, something I have probably lost track of recently that I was reminded of, and that is love can be freely given to who every you want to give it to, nobody can stop you giving it because it yours to give. When you give it, it doesn't come with conditions, it is just love. You give it freely to those you care most about no matter what they might do. You can only be true to yourself and what you feel in life.

Lucy Returns

There was something different in the air this morning. The weather seems to be changing and the seasons with it. There was that chill in the air in the morning and although the sun tried to shine through the clouds it never quite managed to get hold of the day.

It was also noticeable that they were both Emily and Catherine were up early this morning. Everyone was excited about the day to come, it has been over a month since we have seen Lucy and she was coming to stay for the weekend. That seemed to formed the main topic of conservation as they both got ready for school and on the drive to school. 

After I dropped the girls off I popped home for a quick coffee before heading off to Leicester after putting some petrol in the car. I picked the country route for a change rather than going up through Melton hoping it would be faster. What I didn't count on was the number of horses I encountered on the way. It was like everyone was out riding. I have never seen so many horses on the road before. Still it took less than forty minutes to get there which I thought was rather good going.

When I got to the house, I saw a little face at the window as I drove past to turn round. I saw it again with the biggest smile on her face as walked up the path and heard her voice shouting Daddy. It was lovely and seeing her again when the door opened. Her face beaming was so lovely to behold. I couldn't wait until I got out the garden to pick her up and cuddle her again, so that is what I did.  It was so nice just to hold her again. Soon we were in the car and heading out of the housing estate and back to the countryside with a lollipop I had brought her to suck along the way.

All the way back she just chatted and chatted. I don't think she stopped for a single moment telling me all her news that she could remember, some of it more than once. Some of it made only little sense without the context of time but understood as best could. Thankfully there weren't many new names at all in her life. One of the questions she asked was were we going to the park. I only had one answer to that, yes, there was a park on the way home and I wasn't going to let miss out.

As soon as we arrived at the little park in Somerby, the purple park as Lucy calls it, she marched out of the car down the grass verge and ran through the gate into the park. Soon she was sliding down the slide, climbing on the climbing frame and swinging on the swing. Every time she heard a a horse coming from the nearby Equestrian Centre she would run to the gate to see and wave at the passing horses. She loves that little park and it is in a lovely setting.

Eventually we had to leave and carry on our journey home. When arrived back in Langham there were little shouts of we are home from the back of the car. As we walked to the house we chatted about George and as soon we got in she headed for his cage to see him. He was so pleased to see her and soon they were both playing chase in the garden. What was left of the morning was spent at the table doing some painting before we headed out again for some lunch. She did a lovely picture which I later put up in her bedroom for her.

The idea for the afternoon was to make as much as we could of the sunshine that kept appearing and disappearing. So we headed out to Oakham to get some sausage rolls from one of the butchers in the town. When we got there they had sold out, but as luck would have it they had some more that they had just taken out of the oven. They are to die for and as they cooled in the bag we headed out Oakham park.

When we arrived we were the only people there, so Lucy had the whole place to herself and just couldn't decide on what she wanted to do. She ran around the park from one thing to another trying them out before spotting something else play on. Every so often she would return to the table and the toadstools where she told me to sit to have a bite of her sausage roll. It was lovely just see her smiling and laughing. She must love that park so much. By time other people turned with there children to play she had settled down and soon made a friend her own age to play with.

I'm not sure how long we were there for but eventually had to leave, but not until after we popped into look at the church. It was lovely in there and they were dressing it for a wedding so the flowers looked amazing. Lucy wanted me to light a candle so that was what we did before left to pick up the girls from school.

As we sat in the car outside the school Lucy started looking for the girls. I think she was quiet taken back at the number of people leaving the school. It must be so much larger than the schools she is use to. Eventually she spotted Catherine and shouted her name at the top of her voice. You wouldn't think someone so small could make so much noise. Catherine was soon dogging the traffic to get to her and while they were saying hello to each other Emily turned up to join us. They were all so excited to see each other and I was happy they were all together again at last.

After they all got home Lucy followed the girls upstairs while they got change. All day Lucy had said how she wanted to give Emily a big cuddle and that what she did again and again. I think she was making up for missing cuddles and Catherine got her fair share too. 

It wasn't long before she was heading out with Catherine for the park in Langham with George. I'm not sure what they did there but they seemed to be gone ages. Emily, took advantage of quiet and busy herself getting her stuff together for a birthday sleep over. Thankfully Lucy and Catherine got back in time to see Emily leave before heading out again, this without George, to one of Catherine's friends it appeared they had met in the park.

When they came home for dinner we all headed out Oakham to shops before getting some sausages and chips from the Mermaid chip shop in the town. All we needed in the shops was some milk for Lucy the milk monster, some fresh fruit and breakfast cereal for the morning. As for dinner it was Lucy's choice, and something we all enjoyed and it meant we had more time to do things and spent less time cooking. It was also a bit of treat we could afford without having to buy any dinner for Emily. It was something we haven't had for ages.

When bedtime came Lucy wasn't as keen to go to bed as normal. I guess she just didn't want the day to end. It is not something I had seen before and it wasn't like she hadn't a active day, she never stopped. After a little talk we soon had her upstairs and Catherine read her her fist story followed by a second from me. We decided the bath can wait until tomorrow, despite her claims otherwise you could see she was worn out. I had one little tired girl to give cuddles and kisses from the people that mattered to her before she fell asleep which took minutes. A tired but happy  Catherine followed her an hour or so later.

It has just been so lovely to have all of the girls together. I don't think I have had so much fun since they were last all here together. Lucy has this way of making us all smile, but then she makes everyone she meets smile and she had been doing that all day. She is just that sort of child and I love her and the others to bits. I can't wait until the morning and whatever the weather brings I know we will have a good time.