Christmas Take Two

It been very strange not having any of the girls over the Christmas period until just before the New Year, it is just something that has never happened in years. I have always had Emily and Catherine with me on Christmas morning and see them opening their presents since Catherine was one. All I could think of doing to make it special for them is to have another Christmas for them when they all got back together on News Years Eve.

I was so pleased to see Lucy when I picked her up on Friday Morning. It just seemed ages since I last saw and so much had been going on in her little life. She could hardly contain herself with her chatter as we drove back to Langham from Oakham via the CoOp to pick up some lollipops for later in the day and she had a lovely new French coat I guess from her Grandfather. She looked absolute lovely and I got a lovely cuddle before we got home.

We weren't long at home before we headed out again to pick up Emily and Catherine from some services on the M1. There was an accident on the A1 and Abigail had to divert to get around it, however we never got there. Half way into our trip the car started misfiring and we had to turn back and we made arrangements for Abigail to bring them back home to Langham. In someways it was a shame we didn't get them as the drive to Leeds to Langham and back is long but it did allow Abigail see them opening their presents before she went back home.

As you can imagine the present opening was a massive thing for all of them. They raced through them with paper going everywhere. Lucy certainly had the hang of it and she was rushing though them as fast as she could. They had such a super time opening them and it was lovely having them all back together. Of course Lucy loved all her things and the Emily and Catherine thought their Simon Cat books were brilliant as where the clothes they got and especially Catherine's new PJs and Emily's T-Shirt. It was great watching their excitement at having a second Christmas Present opening Day and of course watching them all play the games that Lucy got.

The afternoon saw them playing around the house and making up for lost time together. Catherine and Emily clearly had a nice time in Leeds but were also glad to be home. I spent most of the day in the family room with them on and off fixing Emily's computer which turned out to have a few more problems than I thought it had. One of them being a failing memory stick that was preventing it from reinstalling Windows XP. In the end I had to take a spare 256MB stick from Catherine's computer to get it to work again. Thankfully it should affect her machine to much as it is running Windows 2000 and doesn't need so much RAM. While I did this the girls played around me with Lucy offering to help as only she could.

Just as the sun went down I managed to get the car to the CoOp to pick up some coal and some food for the next few days. It doesn't drive well at all, but I had no choice. It was like the AA said it a risk that it will break down but trust in your faith and it might last until the garages open again. They couldn't find the fault because the part has yet to fail altogether which was rather a shame, since it would be cheaper to fix if they could tell which bit wasn't working. Anyway when I got home I got on with dinner and lit a coal fire for the last day of the year and cooked everyone dinner. Lucy loves coal fires and always asks if we can have one and it is nice to be able to say yes and it makes the cottage feel so homely.

After dinner we all got Lucy ready for her bath. Catherine washed her hair in the bath for her as I made her bed and rounded up her teddies and the juice bottle that she always manages to lose around the house. Soon we were reading her stories. Catherine managed to grab her new book, "Hairy Maclary's Rumpus at the Vet" which are just the most lovely books in the world for a girl of Lucy's age and a pleasure to read and Emily went on to read her "I Don't like Pea's". I finished off story time with "Q Pootle 5" as I aways seem to do. With the stories out of the way I gave her a extra big cuddle to make up for the ones I have missed out on and then gave all those kisses and cuddles from people she loves so much. 

With Lucy asleep I let Emily and Catherine see the new year in and stay up extra late. It was lovely to see the New Year in together and we watched "Jools' Annual Hootenanny" together which has become a bit of a tradition for me in recent years. While watching the fireworks from London we could hear the Church bells in the village ring in the new year and here the fireworks go off outside. It was lovely and what was best was all my girls we here in Langham with me.

South Wales - Take Three

I had a wonderful time in South Wales over Christmas. It was so good to get away for a bit and spend sometime away from home. We had a lovely Christmas dinner and I got some super presents. It was just lovely not to have to cook or clean. 

It was nice to just be for a change. It was just a shame I have no pictures to share with you all and to remember it by, but sometimes they are not needed. All the same it's nice to be home now.

Cost Cutting Costs Lives

So far this year out of the twenty seven people who have been confirmed as having died of flu, nine of them have been Children. With swine flu attacking people under sixty shouldn't we be making sure the young are protected against swine flu? Last year the Government in power at least offered all children under five the chance to be vaccinated against this form of flu, so why not this year?

The Government claim that it is not a case of saving money and that the body that determines who should be vaccinated has not recommended that under fives be vaccinated this year, but why did the same body recommend they should be vaccinated last year? What is different this year from last other than last. The true answer is nothing, so what is in the real reason behind this change of heart other than saving money? Could we be entering a period where cutting costs costs lives? 

Hawksmead - Done Deal?

As you read the Rutland Times it looks like the Hawksmead Park Development in the North West of Oakham is a done deal as far as Oakham Town Council are concerned. The proof in their collective thinking lies in the fact at how fast they back development projects on the housing development without the approval of the development having been passed. This shows that their thinking it that the whole thing is done and dusted as far as they are concerned. What fuels this rush to complete the development hasn't come to surface yet but they are pushing their plans along to create a eco nightmare quite nicely without thinking about the impact on Oakham and the surrounding villages.

Oakham town council have recently given their backing to is a new Super Pub by Marston’s Inns and Taverns as part of the Hawksmead Park Oakham North development, and they have done this while the Lord Nelson's House Hotel and Nick's Restaurant is up for sale, The Griffon Pub is looking for a new landlord and the Oakham British Legion in Oakham is still Empty as is the Wheatsheaf Inn in near by Langham. This new development is going to have a large car park and a play area drawing in drinkers and dinners from the whole of the Oakham area and from further afield putting more strain on the existing business who are struggling to survive the recession as it is. According to the Rutland Times the "Town councillors have backed the plans because they feel the town needs a cheap family pub". My question to them is what is wrong with the existing pubs which in my experience aren't overly priced and given so many are looking for new owners do we really need a new super pub at all? I think the answer is a big "No". Alright it might create some jobs, but how many jobs will be lost by pubs being forced to closed in the centre of Oakham because of lack of business? That is something else I think they have failed to think about, but then again that isn't part of their agenda.

What I think is more worrying is that the Town Council see the development as a done deal. This can be seen  by Ward member for Oakham North West Joyce Lucas comment “I just think we need a family pub that’s cheap and is a place where families can get together, especially as the number of people in the town looks set in increase." It is like she feels that it all over as far as the Hawksmead Park Development being approved is concerned. I don't know how we can tell the council we don't want 1,100 more homes in Oakham and the traffic that it will bring because as far as I can see they are not listening.They have little regard for the environmental and economic impact this development will cause to the area. They just don't want to know and are clearly not bothered that Rutland will lose it's place in the top twenty of places that have a high quality of life in England though this development. My question is do they really have the best interests of Oakham in their hearts or is there something we have all been missing in all this?

Artist of the Week - 2010 Mix

With the year coming to an end I thought the best thing to do with the mondays "Artist of the Week" spot was to do one final compilation of the tracks of the previously mentioned in the blog since I started it as an idea. What the compilation is are tracks I have liked the most or that mean the most to me. So without further delay let me announce the overall artist tanned track hat meant the most, and that honour goes to the Devlins.

The reason for picking this song is simple, I just love it. Now with that over and done with here is the list of tracks I have liked the most that I have published on my blog. In the order appear on the blog here are a list of the songs.

1. Train - Finish Line
2. Alanis Morisette - Not as We
3. Nick Drake - Way to Blue
4. Pink - Glitter in the Air
5. Devlins - Consent
6. Dresden Dolls - The Kill
7. Rufus Wainright - Do I Disappoint You
8. Snow Patrol - Crack in the Shutters
9. Peter Bradley Adams - The Longer Run
10. Secondhand Serenade - Why
11. Blue October - Calling You

There should be enough tracks there to make a compilation CD to listen to in the car until the new year and the first "Artist of the Week" slot for 2011. If you want to fill the rest of the space left why not add these tracks:

1. Exit Wounds - The Script
2. Best I Ever Had - Vertical Horizon
3. The Heart Won't be Denied - Colin Devlin
4. Break Your Heart - Natalie Merchant
5. To See You - Peter Katz

I hope you look them up on YouTube or make your own CD up. Until next time have a great musical new year.

When Tough equals Stupid

Another tough decision was taken by the Government and announced on Christmas Day hoping that we all might not notice while we were having our Christmas Dinners. This time it is the the axing of thirteen million pounds of funding for books for toddlers. I know that we have to make savings but the cuts in Education are short sighted and will not be good for the county in the future. If we cut education we just damaging the prospects of future prosperity. The importance of education in the future of modern technological economy can't be underestimated.

This is typical of this Governments plans to disadvantage the poor in society, especially those families that have no reading tradition and can't normally afford to buy their children books. The money they are taking away goes to a charity called the "The Booktrust" which provides packs of books to parents when their babies are first born, and again at later stages in their development. It is designed to promote reading and develop a love of the written word. Without this love the standards of reading and literacy will fall in the poor that can't afford books making the educational gap between rich and poor wider, but what do they care they have already put students of poorer families off University with the massive tuition fees. So I guess Government thinking is "do they need to read in the first place if they are to become factory fodder?" and the answer they have come up with is no. 

Happy Christams

Merry Christmas to you and your families. It is a time for hope and for giving and receiving gifts and there no greater gift than love you give to those you know in your life be them friends or family.

Love is the most important thing in the world and it should never be discarded or thrown way, it is the most special gift of all. It is ours alone to give and nobody can take that away. Give it freely and you never know what will happen. Merry Christmas.

Twas the Night before Christmas

There is nothing like a poem to invoke images in the mind. With Christmas. just round the corner their is nothing like this poem to invoke such images in both the young and old of the magic of Christmas.

Twas the Night before Christmas

By Clement Moore

Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house

Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse.

The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,

In hopes that St Nicholas soon would be there.

The children were nestled all snug in their beds,

While visions of sugar-plums danced in their heads.

And mamma in her ‘kerchief, and I in my cap,

Had just settled our brains for a long winter’s nap.

When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,

I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.

Away to the window I flew like a flash,

Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash.

The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow

Gave the lustre of mid-day to objects below.

When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,

But a miniature sleigh, and eight tinny reindeer.

With a little old driver, so lively and quick,

I knew in a moment it must be St Nick.

More rapid than eagles his coursers they came,

And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name!

"Now Dasher! now, Dancer! now, Prancer and Vixen!

On, Comet! On, Cupid! on, on Donner and Blitzen!

To the top of the porch! to the top of the wall!

Now dash away! Dash away! Dash away all!"

As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,

When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky.

So up to the house-top the coursers they flew,

With the sleigh full of Toys, and St Nicholas too.

And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof

The prancing and pawing of each little hoof.

As I drew in my head, and was turning around,

Down the chimney St Nicholas came with a bound.

He was dressed all in fur, from his head to his foot,

And his clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot.

A bundle of Toys he had flung on his back,

And he looked like a peddler, just opening his pack.

His eyes-how they twinkled! his dimples how merry!

His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry!

His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,

And the beard of his chin was as white as the snow.

The stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth,

And the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath.

He had a broad face and a little round belly,

That shook when he laughed, like a bowlful of jelly!

He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf,

And I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself!

A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,

Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread.

He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,

And filled all the stockings, then turned with a jerk.

And laying his finger aside of his nose,

And giving a nod, up the chimney he rose!

He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle,

And away they all flew like the down of a thistle.

But I heard him exclaim, ‘ere he drove out of sight,

"Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good-night!"

Christmas is a time that can bring out the child in us all. The smiles and laughter, the presents and food, all this make this day as special can be, but then there is the lonely that sit sad at home, spare them a thought and give them a call. 

Parted for a While

When I got up the the snow was still there in it full glory in the morning half light. It really does look beautiful and if I didn't have to drive today I it would be simply lovely, but I do have to drive Emily and Catherine to Leeds and Lucy back to her Mummies in Oakham. I going to miss them all.

It must have been the first time I have ever had to wake Lucy. She is normally the one that wakes everyone else in the morning, but today I was first up. I went into her room and gently told her it was time to wake up and she gently stretched and opened her eyes before smiling back at me. I got her dressed as soon as she got out of bed and she took her blanket downstairs and snuggled on the sofa after telling Emily and Catherine it was time to get up too. Catherine was the first to appear and joined on the sofa to be followed some minutes layer by Emily. 

It wasn't long before the girls where having breakfast and the rush was on. The first two to drop off were Emily and Catherine at the services some 50 miles up the A1. With the roads icy and the snow it wasn't going to be the nicest of drives. As it turned out as we got further North the snow was nowhere to be seen and the gritters were out in force making the drive a lot easier. As always it was a good drop off and plans were made and cuddles given and cuddles promised for while they are away. Lucy even got to meet William, Emily and Catherine's bother, who is turning out to be a fine young man. He is a lovely person and just as sweet as when I knew as a small boy. I'll always have a soft spot for him because like Lucy's sister Mary we were so close at one time. He even use to come when his mum was in hospital and stay the weekend with the girls. Soon Lucy and myself were heading back to Rutland with a McDonalds breakfast roll to eat to keep us warm.

When we got back there was just Lucy left and she had just another couple of hours with us. She was meant to be leaving around midday but as it turned out it was mid afternoon. I know with the weather the way it is flights can be delayed and I had factored that in, but I guess I wasn't expecting the problems her mummy had with the electric's in her house, but that didn't matter at all. It just meant I got to see her a bit longer and we had some extra fun before she left. All to soon I got a text saying she could go back to Oakham and off we trotted chatting away with a small bag of presents and all her things to say our final good bye until we meet again. I still find it hard being parted from one so small and I will for years to come. I love her and her sisters so much that there aren't worlds I can find to describe the depth of feeling. I know men are meant to be hard but I one of the ones that as a big heart and lots of love to give.

Anyway, with beds empty and the children gone the house fell silent until they all return again to make the house come alive agin on New Years Eve. It's a strange place without them when your use to all the noise and the fun that can go with it. It is something that get use to and even when you wish it would stop, and when it does you just find yourself missing it. 

I know that Emily and Catherine mum will make sure they get the cuddles I asked her to give them I just hope Lucy's mum will do the same. I feel bad for leaving them so long but I just want them to know I love them. I guess that is because of what happened to me.  It is funny how you can give and give and when you ask a favour back you get no joy. All I can assume as the answer is positive and for if it is not that would make me sad when I think it is Christmas and I do as much as I can and I won't give up on doing that. Lack of communication is horrid thing and it's how misunderstanding can easily occur. I just don't understand what is wrong with talking given you don't have to take on anyones feeling but your own.

A White Start

I guess it shouldn't have come as a surprise that when I woke up this morning the Langham was covered in snow again. About four inches had fallen overnight and it was still falling lightly as I got up to the sound of Lucy singing in her bedroom. It was a lovely sound and as I entered her room she peeked around the side of her bed with the biggest smile ever which got even bigger as she saw the snow.

As soon as we got downstairs, Lucy was itching to get outside but there was breakfast to have first which she had with Catherine at the dining room table. As soon as she was finish Catherine and myself got her ready go outside to put her footprints in the virgin snow. Soon they were both outside playing. Lucy was trying to get Catherine snow balls but Catherine was just too quick for her and always managed to get out of the way in time. After a bit George joined them and you should have seen Lucy laugh and giggle as he ran and frolicked in the snow as she tried to chase him. They both had a lovely time until they just got to cold to stay out any longer.

Once inside they both went into the family room were Emily was using the computer to play one of her games. At first they both settled down under blanket and watched some television while they warmed up again before playing with the toys which were soon scattered around the floor. Lucy and Catherine had a grand time with Emily joining in when she felt like she was missing out on the fun. They played like this until lunchtime when I brought them in plates of bacon and sausage sandwiches to fill there hungry tummies.

The afternoon was much like the morning. Catherine and Lucy went out in the snow again for a bit until they got too cold and at one point Lucy settled down to watch a film before coming in to see me for an extended cuddle.  I love giving her cuddles and we have a really nice chat which I love. It is great the way her use of language is coming on now and she is lovely company with little sayings and ways. Just before dinner she started playing on the Xbox 360 with Catherine. They had a fun together and I was surprised how quickly she picked up the basic movement controls so she could follow Catherine's character around the screen.

Just before we ate again I set another fire so it would be all snuggly while they had their dinner and before it was time for Lucy to have bath which came all to soon. With a full tummy Lucy had her bath. She had a wonderful time time playing with me in the bath, making us drinks and washing her face which we have taught her to do. Finally it was off to bed for stories and sleep after her kisses and cuddles from all the special people. All the time she has been here she has slept like a dream, I hope she sleeps the same way again tonight.

After Lucy had gone to bed Catherine was joined by Emily on the Xbox 360 for a while before Emily got on with wrapping some very important presents before bed. With those done they both headed off to their bedroom to pack and go to bed to get some sleep and hopefully to dream of the Christmas to come which I hope is a happy one.

I have had a super time with the girls the last four days. It has been lovely to have them all here again and it really makes the place feel almost complete. I love the way they have all got on and had a laugh and a giggle. It hasn't been without incident but they have all been minor and quickly sorted. I hope they have all had as much fun as I have had being with them all. It is all going to be so different after they leave tomorrow for Christmas. For one thing it will be my first Christmas without one or more my Children in over ten years.  

A Cold Shopping Day

It goes without saying that it was another cold morning when I woke up and the temperature outside was minus five at day break with little prospect of it warming up. Thankfully the double figure minus temperatures predicted for today were wrong, all the same it's very cold outside. Thankfully with a little extra money coming in today we we can have a nice coal fire latter to supplement the central heating.

As always Lucy was first up and she settled down to watch some children's television as she woke up snuggled under blanket. This went on for a while and at one point I was called in to join her for a cuddle as she watched "Come Outside". She wanted me to cuddle down and watch it with her. It was just after it finished that she decided that Emily and Catherine should get up and join her. She marched upstairs determined to get them up. It didn't quite work straight away but after ten minutes or so Emily appeared downstairs to check if her program had finished installing, which it had. Seeing Emily was busy Lucy made a second successful attempt at getting Catherine out of bed to play with her.

Lucy and Catherine played together in the family room, while I worked with Emily trying to get her game working. There seemed to be a problem with her hardware drivers and the game that keeps causing her game to crash. I will get to the bottom of it, but it just a question of how long it takes to get there and if Emily has the patience to wait for it to be repaired before she gives up on it. Increasing it looks like I'm going to have try it on a fresh install of Windows XP and see if that fixes the problems with the drivers. Not what you call fun before Christmas. I spend all my time teaching how to repair computers and although I don't mind doing it outside work it is far from fun.

As lunchtime approached we all got ready to go out and do some last minute Christmas shopping. It was also a nice excuse to get out after all the travelling yesterday and have some fun, rather than just going from A to B and back to A again.

The first destination of the afternoon was Melton and of course the bakers their for some food, but that had to wait for a little while. There was the card shop to go into first to pick up some bags for presents. Lucy loves it there with all the teddy bears to look at and the cards. It is really hard work keep her little hands off things, but she is good when you tell her not to touch things. You just have to keep a eye out for when she thinks your not looking. From there it was off to Boots the chemist and onto W.H.Smiths for some more presents before eventually arriving at Gregg's for the food for the little tummies.

We ate our food on the way to Gates Nursery to have a look around for more presents. I must say from my experience that the Nursery gift shop is one of the best places locally to buy presents. In the past I have managed to get some lovely things there for Birthdays. Lucy had a grand time in the toy section with Catherine. They had a toy table with some demonstration toys for children to try out and Lucy had a wonderful time with Catherine just doing that until it was time to move on to look at the Christmas decorations. They have one of the best displays of decorations I have ever seen. The places is so magical and I just wish I had the money to buy them all. They all look so beautiful and such good quality. Lucy feel in love with a large snowman and there was no stopping her giving him a hug before we went off looking for some coal to buy for later. They other reason we went there other than presents.

When we got home, after popping into the supermarket, I started work on a fire and the dinner. Lucy helped me make the fire by passing me the wood as I built up the fire around some fire lighters. I must say I'm rather good at making real fires, it is something I have been doing since I lived in Durham as a student in a coal fired house complete with a coke burning AGA that was a bugger to light. Soon the smoke was raising and it burst into flame much to Lucy's delight. Since I have been here I have only had one fire fail and that was when I didn't have enough wood to start the fire off.

Tonight we had some nice baked potatoes covered in cheese and beans to warm us all up as we sat in front of the fire watching a DVD together. George loves the fire and he roasts himself until he is so hot that he hides behind the sofa to get away from the heat. Lucy tried hard to watch the film for the first thirty minutes or so with Emily laying on the floor beside the fire. Then she decided to flit between Catherine, Emily and myself. Taking it in turns to sit with us for a cuddle before she decided she wanted to play with something rather than watch the television.

Lucy never got to watch the end of the film, but I guess it will wait for another day, she had to go to bed before it ended. Happily she went upstairs to her bath and soon she was having fun in the water and pretending to mix all kinds of food mixtures to drink in the bowls she has in the bath. All to soon she was getting out of the bath and being dried off in her bedroom before her stories and kisses. All snuggled up she was soon asleep while Emily and Catherine finished the film in front of the fire before going up to join her in their slumbers.

Just one more day of having them altogether left now before they all go their separate ways for Christmas. I plan to enjoy it because that is all I can really do. We are going to have a special New Year dinner to make up for the one they are all missing, but the fact is Christmas is for families and for children and without them it just feels strange. I love them all, no matter what and that is all that matters, and I hope they hold that in their heart as I do in mine.

Cold and Colder

With the outside temperature at minus eight, and that is without factoring in the wind chill, it was bound to be a cold start to the day. The house was very much on the chilly side and as soon as I got up I had take the heating off the timer and switch it on all day. It really does look like the central heating is going to need reprogramming for the coming few days with ground temperatures falling even further tonight to minus eleven with not much improvement in the days to come. According to the weather reports that minus eleven becomes a staggering minus sixteen when you take account of the wind chill. All I can say this has to be the coldest December I can remember.

Lucy woke around eight and soon I had her snuggled up in her blanket on the sofa in the family room while I turned up the temperature and took the chill off the house. After I had coffee to wake me up and I made some breakfast for Lucy, she went off to play in the family room for a bit with her toys. Every so often I was summoned  to help her play a game or set something up for her and at other times she came and found me and sat on my lap for a cuddle. It all very lovely and I enjoy every minute of it. 

As the time to go and get Emily and Catharine from there mother approached I got Lucy dressed in all the warm clothes I could find. I wasn't going to let her get anther cold just after she is getting over one. It wouldn't be fair for her to be ill over Christmas. Soon she was all snuggled in her car seat and after stopping off for fuel, and some drinks for the journey we were soon heading up the A1 to get them.

The drive up the A1 went with out incident but we did notice a accident in the other direction about five miles from Newark. Something by the looking at the queues that were forming to be avoided on the way back. The pick up was nice and easy and pleasant as it always is with Abigail, smiles all round hugs and kisses and a little chat before we set off home again. On the way home we avoided the queues and headed down the dread roadwork run that is the A46. The plan was to go down this road to we hit the A606 and then head home. As it turned out I took the wrong turn in the fog and started heading south down the A52. Thankfully I saw the sign to Langer and headed cross country to Melton and then back onto the A606 and home.

When we got home I dropped Emily and Catherine off after checking the house was ok and Lucy and myself headed into Oakham to do a little shopping before returning home to cook a hot lunch for everyone to warm them up after their trip. It was lovely to have them altogether again. I really missed Emily and Catherine while they were away, especially since I knew they were missing out on Lucy too. As soon as they were altogether you could hear the fun and games going on in the family room. They love being together.

It was just before dinner, while Lucy was watching a film with Catherine, that I took the picture of Lucy that is above this bit of text. As soon as I saw it I realised there was something so familiar about it. Then after I started searching through my iphoto's I found a near match for the picture but this one was of her other sister Mary. We don't see her here anymore, although Emily saw her the other day and she gave Emily a hug which I thought proved what a good job we did as bring them up as sisters. I posted the a side by side picture of the two of them on Facebook, so if your on Facebook look through my wall posts and you will find it.

For diner we had roast chicken potions, roast potatoes and a mixture of vegetables which went down well with the girls. Now we have discovered that Lucy prefers brown meat to white meat we can get her to eat all her chicken on her plate every time. It was something we discovered the other day when we found that she liked the chicken on Emily's plate who always has a leg while she wasn't bothered about her own chicken which was all breast meat. After dinner there was a little time left for Lucy to play before it was off up to her bath and finally to bed with her kiss and hugs from everyone special to her she feel asleep.

With Lucy in bed, Catherine watched some television while Emily went onto the computer. Emily had brought a new game with her from Leeds that she had bought with her Birthday money and she was installing it. The only problem is that it is an online game and the update is going to take most of the night to download. There are two DVD's worth of data to download before it is finished installing and it ready to play. Emily was a little disappointed, but one good thing it might get her up in the morning rather than her turning slowly into a teenager. Eventually it was their turn to go to bed and soon they joined Lucy in the land of nod and the house feel silent until the morning.

It has been a fine day as always but something feels odd today, something is missing. It is like there is no direction at the moment. It might just be I'm tired and full of cold or maybe it is the fact that all my family won't be with me at Christmas. Somethings is missing and I can't put my finger on it. I have always had big plans in my head even if I never communicated them enough in the past, but it is like they have all but gone. One thing is true that I do know what I want from life and that is what I hold onto day after day, if it wasn't for that I would have no direction at all.  It is knowing that and the love I have that keeps me going. Nobody can take that away from me. I'm sure this feeling will past and it will all make sense again. It will just take time.