Now it is just another day, yes I will get cards, just two of them out of three, but it not the same, I miss seeing my children together and having fun and times they once had in the early days when Lucy was really small. If fact the last Fathers Day card I got from Lucy was back 2011. A blue and white one that had pride of place on the mantelpiece for a couple of weeks after, it was next to her picture in the frame she got me the year before.
Lucy moving away from Rutland was a massive blow to me, no more so than it is now I reliant on the Bus to get me about. I can't say how much not seeing her affects me from day to day. I love all my children equally and not having them here together is always going to one of my biggest regrets in life. It just hurts so much and I know I missing out on so much too. I just wish I could have given the family life that all children need. It is what I hoped for when I came to Rutland so long ago now and something that never happened. To say I miss little, her hugs and cuddles, and today her fathers day card is underestimate of how I feel.
With Emily growing up so fast and her mother moving into the area, things haven't been the same with her. In fact I miss my Emily, the old one that worked hard at school and was kind and thoughtful. It is like she can do what she likes now and she can get away with it, but maybe that is just part of the teenage years but she has always need firm boundaries and these she isn't given now. Thank the Lord, Catherine is sensible and now working hard and catching her sister up at school and was there to day to say "Happy Fathers Day, Dad".
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