Tired Friday

Yet another sleepless night. I really getting bored of them now, but at least when I got up I had hope inside that it would be a good day. It was the day that Lucy comes to stay for the weekend. and that just adds to the fun that can be had from any day, and added to that it was sunny and not too cold for a winters day. It was just the day I wanted to lift my tired mind from the sleepless nights.

The morning started well before the alarm went off. I just lay in bed wondering why it was still dark and why I couldn't get back off to sleep. Nothing new there, it has been like that for nearly two weeks. It was just as I was starting to get off again when the alarm rang and up I got. Soon the girls were ready and we headed off to school with me going back home via the petrol station.

After a quick coffee it was out again. This time driving through the country to pick up little Lucy from her mummies in the city. The pick up was quick without a word really being spoken and the door was closed quickly. Soon lucy was in the car and telling all her news and for once everyone else's. Normally she only talks about herself, but not today. Like a jigsaw some of the pieces fell into place.

When we got back home, Lucy got a warm welcome from George. It always amazes me how pleased he is to see Lucy. He is always all over her. After a drink Lucy got on with playing with the toys she got for Christmas in the family room. Soon she was cooking me food making me drinks with the cooker she got at Christmas. She spent ages mixing the ingredients from the toy food and she had lots of fun making dinners especially, although although some of her recipes were a bit conventional.

Soon we were both getting hungry and so we headed out to the supermarket to pick up most of the food we needed for the weekend. It was while we were there that Lucy charmed a older lady that wanted to take her place in the trolly and be pushed around the shop. Lucy, however wasn't moving. She was enjoying placing the shopping around her too much as we went around the shop. With the shopping done, there just enough change left for Lucy to have a go on one of the new rides outside the shop. She loved it, it was just a shame I didn't have the money for her to have a go on the other ride.

When we got home I made us both some sandwiches and we both sat down together and ate them before we continued playing. I found some paper and she got her art set and she was soon drawing, sticking and making pictures. While they dried we moved onto other games. We played the fishing game she got at christmas that she loves so much before she got out her cleaning things and pretended to clean the living room. She just loves the little hover and the fact it actually works.

Soon it was time to get Catherine from school, Emily was off on another Friday night sleep over at her friends. Lucy got her shoes on and we head out the door and into the car with Lucy looking for her little cousin who she has spotted once or twice living the local school. When we got to the high school, Catherine was there waiting for us and as soon as she got in the car she gave Lucy a big hug. Lucy was pleased to see her, she had been asking where she was all day.

When they got home they settled down on the living room floor and Catherine got out her Playmobile for them to play with. I remember how much Emily, Catherine and Lucy's other sister loved Playmobile and it seems that Lucy is no exception. She had loads of fun with the little people and they were both making up like stories along the way for the little people to act out. I just watched, smiled and remembered.

As they played on I made some dinner for everyone. Nothing special just some roast chicken potions, roast potatoes, a mixture of fresh vegetables served with stuffing and gravy. It will be as close as we get to a roast this weekend. Things are tight. All three of us enjoyed the meal and Lucy did particularly well and ate all her pudding too.

After dinner the girls took themselves off to the family room to play and watch television together until it was time for Lucy to go to bed. I just listened to them having fun and thought. When we took Lucy up it was clear she was ready for bed. Catherine helped dress her and read her a story while I made her bed all snuggly. Then I read a her a couple more stories before giving her a kiss and a cuddle from the people she loves with a big special one at the end. Then as the house fell quieter, Catherine and myself did our own thing until Catherine went up to bed and joined her sister in the land of dreams.

The day started out so bright, but as it moved on my mood changed to something darker, even very shaky just after Lucy went to be, until I could distract myself. It is not that it wasn't fun for Lucy and Catherine but for me the fun disappeared, very early on and I was left feeling tired and moody. There was too much to think about to lift the mood, but I know I won't be beaten, one day things will get better. I won't let disappointments of today affect the direction I am going in. It will take courage, truth and forgiveness to get there, but it is a path worth continuing along, for as long as it takes.

You can't hide things away or wish them out of existence and avoid how you feel about things, but you can change them for the good. You just have to embrace those feelings and go with them and be open and honest. If things matter to you then sometimes you carry on however long that takes no matter how tricky the path gets. It been one of those days that would be best forgotten, but from it can come good, I know I just have keep faith. It will get better than this. I know what I want and what matters, and I will get there, nothing has changed, it just a little harder. Life goes on.

Celebrity Big Brother 2012

Here we are again and the start of another Celebrity Big Brother. I'm hoping that Channel Five pulls out all the stops and we get a cracking show that set us up for the summer. I know many, may be some of the executives at Channel Five included, would have been disappointed with the viewing figures for the main show, but  then again I thought the viewing figures did well against the autumn competition . This years main show be in it's rightful place smack in the middle of summer.

The format is the same of as that of the main show. People share a house for the duration of the show while being filmed 24/7. The housemates then get a chance to nominate housemates, normally once a week, to leave house via a public vote until the final week arrives. The winner is the housemate that stay's in the house to the very end. The main difference between the main show and the celebrity version is that later is shorter. The theory being is that celebrities have busier lives than everyone else on earth. Only time well tell who the celebrities will be for this years show. Rumours in the press change daily in the run up to the launch night.

Hopefully tonights show will be a big success for the television channel just like the main show in the autumn. Although show didn't get massive ratings it did pull the teen audience from the shows former channel, Channel 4. This meant Channel Five could charge more of advertising so supporting the cost of airing the show and increasing the companies profits. This has to be a good sign for the future of the format which looks like it is going to continue for some time to come.

The show starts tonight on Channel Five at nine o'clock. If like me you like to interact with the show you can do that via Facebook, Twitter or one of the many of the Big Brother forums like thisisbigbrother.com, which I think is the best of its kind on the net.

Another Sleepless Night

Yet another sleepless night. I really could do without them. My mind just races with thoughts and they won't be still so I can sleep. Then when I do sleep even the slightest noise brings back to the land of the waking. It just makes me so tired during the day and it has gotten worse recently and I know not why.

Then there is the dreams, which have a similar theme. They are not bad dreams, as such, just all that they all seem the same. It is probably the things I dream of that keep me awake, but they all rush by so quickly then I just can catch them. I just hope that one day my mind will settle down again at night and I will sleep like I did in the distant past.

What a Surprise

There is nothing like a bit of new year cheer to make you feel good about the coming year and don't we all need it at the moment. Unfortunately it won't be coming from the Government. They would rather take money from the struggling families in the country than the banks that caused the mess. I guess that shouldn't be a surprise as they are only supporting their paymasters. It just disappointing they said they are the party for families and they are robbing them to pay for the mistakes of the rich.

In a report by Family and Parenting Institute it said that families with children incomes with drop by over four percent over the next four years while families without children will just be one percent worse off. Most of this change will come from changes to the tax and benefits system purposed by the government. The research confirmed what many people had been thinking that families shouldering a disproportionate burden to pay for the mistakes of the past.

The government in reply to the report have said they are trying help by cutting fuel duty, freezing council tax and cutting income tax for millions. However that won't help the poorest without jobs, who don't pay council or income tax and can't afford to run cars. Those at bottom end of the income band, the poorest are going to hit the hardest. And with the economy still failing many of these families could be unemployed for years to come!

The polices being followed by the Government hardly live up the Conservative Party's family friendly tag line used in the election. These policy's include: increases in VAT, reductions in tax credits, cuts in housing benefit, a freeze on child benefits, the use of CPI to uprate benefits each year, and future reductions in council tax benefit. These changes, it is estimated, will see a further half a million children living in absolute poverty within the next four years.

My personal view is that the banks should paid their due in some kind of Robin Hood Tax. Then if we still have to feel the pain it should be shared out equally. People with children and the very poor should not be paying for the mistakes of the rich few. That is just unfair and I can't believe the Liberal Democrats are allowing it to happen without some kind of fight.

Yellow Van People

Yesterday, just as I was going to pick the Emily and Catherine from school, the car immobiliser decided to activate and the central locking failed. Although I could get into the car using the key their was no way of starting it. A quick look on the internet suggested a new battery in the key fob might be in order, so I popped to town on the bus, got a battery and the shopping and returned home. Unfortunately, it wasn't the battery so it was back to square one, so I decided to leave it until this morning given the weather and the fact it was dark.

After more research in the evening I found a number of causes of the problem many very expensive while the most common fault was rather cheap. As I went to sleep I hopped it would be the former, but to make sure I got it right I decided to call out the AA given I have home start for just such problems. Handy when the nearest garage is miles away.

As always I was very impressed by the service the AA provided. I decided to phone them after the morning rush and they where with me within thirty minutes just before half past twelve. Soon the man was looking for the fuse box in the engine bay and quickly found the blown fuse in the central locking system. The only question then remained what caused it to blow in the first place. Using the knowledge of countless years he started looking in the flexible hosing that contains the wiring in the tailgate and he was spot on. Some of the wires had become exposed and had caused a short circuit. He repaired them, and within ten minutes at most I had a working car again and it hadn't cost me a penny and I even got a spare fuse if it goes again. 

I can't say how pleased it wasn't anything else. If the car was off the road than I can't get Lucy and there is know way I can afford to get her on public transport. There isn't even a bus as far as I can tell between Oakham and Leicester. Thankfully everything ended well for a change, lets hope it continues that way.