Today didn't start off sunny. It was one of those grey mornings but at least it wasn't cold and there was a little promise of some sun later in the day in the weather forecast, which came a little too late.
It was Emily that heard lucy little shout of "Daddy" in the morning and whisked her away for herself. I found them when George started barking when Emily friend Millie arrived for the day. There were all the bedroom playing and Millie was early, but soon as we guessed who it.
Everyone went down to welcome her and Lucy despite her excitement just went all shy. Thankfully it didn't take her long to come round and charm Millie with her smile. Soon they were all in the family room and the house was full of noise of happy voices. A sound I will never tire of.
In the excitement there was only one taker for breakfast and that was Lucy. She never seems to miss the chance of some food. She even stayed to finish it when the other girls headed out to the park and later we followed them chatting as we walked alone the road.
It is was lovely in the park just watching the girls play. It wasn't sunny but that didn't seem to matter. For a moment I felt free and that what mattered most. As for them there was the freedom of playing somewhere that is safe and where they could just have fun without any of the worries in their little lives.
One things that Lucy missed out on, we all did, was the cherries in the park. They have all been eaten by the birds and this year we didn't even have one. Thankfully though the blackberry season is upon us and while we were at the park to girls took the chance to feast on berries around the allotments. Of course they also remembered the raspberry bush at the side Lucy's mummies old allotment and so some of those got eaten too.
When I was young I use to wonder why people sat on parks when there was so much rushing about to do, today I understood. There is so much more to life than rushing about and if you don't stop once in a while and think then you might just miss something. I love so much and so many people and I love life despite all the trobbles it can bring. What was lovely today was seeing all four girls just having a good time and those troubles just melted away for a moment and that makes you feel free.
Once home we headed out to the shops to get some lunch. Millie had brought a pizza with her so that became the natural choice for a meal, specially knowing how much all the children love them. Also they are relatively quick to cook which meant everyone could get the maximum enjoyment out the time we had left with Lucy as well as Millie.
Soon the pizza was all gone and empty plates returned to the kitchen and the girls settled down to play in the family room. One of the things I had got out the night before was the one of the old X boxes and all the old games I had for it. I know that Emily and Catherine still likes to play some of therm and I guessed right that Millie did too. Lucy didn't seem to mind to much and she just either tried to join in or play with who ever wasn't playing a game at the time.They all sounded like they had a grand time from the noise coming from the family room and that is what matters most.
This nicely took them up to the middle of the afternoon when Millie finally had to return home after having a good time from the feedback I got from Emily. This left a couple of hours for Emily, Catherine and Lucy to play together while I got everything washed, dried and ready for Lucy's departure after her bath. She wasn't to dirty but we thought it best to make sure she was all shiny and clean. They played so nicely together for a while before Emily started feeling a little left out went on the computer as Catherine made the most of Lucy's time. Emily wasn't to going to be left out totally and managed to acquire the job of bathing Lucy by herself. Something I know can be great fun from experience.
With Lucy dry and dressed it came time for Lucy to leave and the girls said goodbye until they meet again. It was lovely watching them all giving her kisses and cuddles. And so it was with her bag of things and the late birthday presents for her sister that we set off to take her back with Lucy chatting all the way. I will never trier of her little voice.
Driving to Leicester was strange. As we approached the city I noticed Lucy point things out, places she goes to or her other sister, Mary, goes to. It like she wants to include me in her life. What hurts is I can't be part of that life. I want to be because she is my daughter and I love her, but it isn't possible. I don't know anything of it or can't even call her. I never felt this way with Emily and Catherine but then I was never cut off like this and I never cut off her mother. I am powerless to do anything about without any effective communication method or being able to talk and have my feelings understood or taken into account.
With Lucy dropped off in Leicester with her mummy's boyfriend and as we drove off we saw people peering through the windows and curtains of the house, which felt rather strange. It wasn't a happy walk back to the car or drive for me. It was all quite emotional. To say I miss the access I had is an understatement. I just think not talking isn't a option and we are affecting a child's life. This is so unfair of her and everyone involved.
When we got home the house was quiet and remained the same way for the rest of the evening after dinner. Emily and Catherine caught up with the programmes they love to watch before eventually heading off to bed and soon the day ended.
I'm not sure when we will be seeing Lucy again. I want it to be when Emily and Catherine are here so they can all be together. I know it will be over two weeks away. This summer isn't going to be what I expected of it, I know that much, and I just feel for everyone. At least we had a good weekend and at the end of the day that is what matters and that is what I need to focus on. Just wish I didn't feel sad about the mess that I'm experiencing now from someone who I once made the focused my dreams and my future.
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