Reflection

There is one good thing about having a Sunday to myself until I have to go and pick up Emily and Catherine from there mum's, it sometimes gives me time to think and reflect upon the past and look towards the future. I have grown to like this time and miss it when I don't have the time to do it.

I think reflection is a important thing to do and it allows us avoid the mistakes of the past and move onward into the future knowing what we want in life. The hardest thing about this process is being honest with yourself about what you have done and where you might have been wrong and rather than covering it up. By doing the former you can forgive yourself and allow other people to forgive you which is not always an easy thing to do, however once you do this you can find understanding of what really went wrong. Talking to those involved helps speed up this process, but this isn't always a option and sometimes we are just left with self reflection which is the hardest type of reflection to do. It something we all should try and do because by covering things up and changing history to stay in control the way forward is blocked. This way of thinking is just a way of running away and not seeing what really happened and why. All this results in is that you just make the same mistakes again and again and you blunder on through life wondering why your world always falls apart making you feel so out of control. When you are out of control life becomes one big panic, a constant running away rather than standing and looking and understanding the problem and dealing with it before it becomes so big that it crashes in on top of us. 

Control is a funny thing. It is something we all like to feel about our lives, that we need to be "in control", but the fact is we are only in control to some degree and not totally. For example we can't control the world and the people around us. The best we can do to the people is suggest a direction that is in tune with our own and the world around us is always pulling surprises that are as unpredictable as a long range weather forecast. It is this that makea the world in we live in grey and not black and white. Most of us realise this and understand that is how life is and this allows us to reflect upon our lives. A mind that strives to be constantly in control will see things as "black and white" or "right or wrong" and feel the need to justify life choices in the same way. For minds like this reflection is hard and brings back the pain of the past and the areas of grey that can cause panic and the things that nightmares are made of. In this pain gets lost the good that was there for that sometimes has to be buried as much as what caused the mind to be like this in the first place, however it is sometimes in this state that reflection occurs and these minds see clarity before they try and regain control and bury the truth they have just discovered. 

Thankfully understand not everything is "black and white". We know that there are things we can't do anything about, however there are times we feel we are totally responsible for everything that goes wrong and it is only through reflection and talking about the past that we can find out what really happened. I have been in that place were I felt and was told it was all my fault and I'm still in that place to some degree, but by looking back and understanding I can make sense of my role in the past and that of others. This allows me distinguish between those roles and discover the truth. I'm slowly returning to the person I was and doing the things with I use to do with the children. In order to do that I have made an effort to understand all I can about the recent past in an attempt to rediscover myself. Somewhere in the last few years I lost sight of who I was, however I knew one thing that was true which still is.

Somewhere I have lost some years and I know they are still there to be rediscovered and worked on. The middle is still rather misty and the fog has yet to clear. I know I will get there and I will rejoice in the rediscovery of the good and understand the bad. Although I'm not there yet or fully healed I do know where I am roughly heading which is better than the place at all because I had the time of reflection.

One thing is for sure I know I will get there as long as I have time to reflect and do it with an open mind. I will do this because I'm determined to heal the past for the sake of the future. I don't blame anybody for all that has happened, it just how things are, the way of the world and how affects us that can't be controlled. I will discover the truth as much as I can and forgive others and myself and move onward....

Another New Page Added

Just another update to the blog another new page has been added to the blog. Look for the Music page in the menu on the right hand side of the home page.

Park to Park

It was a lovely early summers day. The weather was hot and sultry. Just the weather to laze about in a park and to enjoy the sun while having a picnic. 

As usual I picked up the lovely Lucy at 10 o'clock. It so nice when I pick her up she gives me the biggest hug ever, a lovely kiss and then starts chatting as she clambers in the car. 

We arrived home. after a quick detour to the shops for bread where we saw her cousin Katie, and started cooking boiled eggs to make some sandwiches with for our picnic lunch and while they cooked we gathered other treats to add to our goodies bag for later. 

With the weather set fine the plan was travel round the parks that surround Rutland water eating at the first park before moving on to the next. With all the parking just costing £2 it was a cheap way to spend the day in lovely surroundings. And I mean lovely, I will never forget when I first saw Rutland water the memories of it beauty will e with me forever.

We first set off the secret park to have our play and have our picnic. It lovely there for picnic's the surroundings are lovely set in woodlands it a lovely place to sit and watch Lucy playing. It is amazing how good and careful she is at climbing up to the slide and how much joy she gets sliding down. She seem to love picnic and all the food and drink. She likes to eat then play and then return for more with a happy smiling face.

After we finished there we set off to find some ice cream from the shop at the adventure play ground further around Rutland Water on the north shore. There Lucy tucked into a ice lolly and another bottle of juice before setting off to play on all the things there are to do there. We stayed there quite a while, occasionally seeking the shade to cool down. Lucy thankfully was really good at keeping her hat on and only lost it a few times, although I guess it didn't matter if she did she was covered in sun cream.

After we left the adventure playground we set off for the south shore to go and look at Rutland water. It always looks bigger from that side than it does from the north shore. You get a real impression of the size of it. Lucy loved the pine cones and I told her how they close up when the air is damp and it is going to rain. She picked one up and carried it with her and later took it home to her mummies.

With time moving on we set off for home. Lucy had a grand time playing as I got dinner. Just a simple pasta dish but she loved every mouthful and the plate was clean by the end. Then it was time for her to go back home to her mummies which she did with a sigh. I think she must have had a good day but my day wasn't over yet...

With Emily, Catherine and Lucy all there mummies I had a lovely evening and managed to go out for a change. Along the way I took the photograph above of the sunset over Rutland Water from the south shore. I was thinking of going out in Oakham but the best made plans of mice and men all go wrong! But that is a story best left untold... One thing is for sure I would never have seen the stunning sunset and the DC3 that flew passed just after I had taken the picture above.

About Me Page Added

Just added a new about me page to the blog. Check down the right hand side screen for the link. Also check out the old blog site for more information. Slowly the old pages will be moved here.

The Country Park - Take 2

It was the last day before Emily and Catherine left me to see there Mum in Leeds and the weather was set fine for the day. After all the fun from the last time we were at the country park in Melton we decided to set off for another visit. 

We didn't spend long there this time but all the same we had great fun. I went for a walk with Catherine which was rather nice. Sometimes being the middle one and the quietest she gets over looked so hunting for trees to climb was rather fun. Emily mean while just had fun finding new friends and being able to go wild. When I returned with Catherine Emily had managed to secure the rather wild swing and Catherine joined her and the friend Emily had made. 

It nice to see them having fun. Sometimes I think they haven't had an easy life.