Tired Friday

Yet another sleepless night. I really getting bored of them now, but at least when I got up I had hope inside that it would be a good day. It was the day that Lucy comes to stay for the weekend. and that just adds to the fun that can be had from any day, and added to that it was sunny and not too cold for a winters day. It was just the day I wanted to lift my tired mind from the sleepless nights.

The morning started well before the alarm went off. I just lay in bed wondering why it was still dark and why I couldn't get back off to sleep. Nothing new there, it has been like that for nearly two weeks. It was just as I was starting to get off again when the alarm rang and up I got. Soon the girls were ready and we headed off to school with me going back home via the petrol station.

After a quick coffee it was out again. This time driving through the country to pick up little Lucy from her mummies in the city. The pick up was quick without a word really being spoken and the door was closed quickly. Soon lucy was in the car and telling all her news and for once everyone else's. Normally she only talks about herself, but not today. Like a jigsaw some of the pieces fell into place.

When we got back home, Lucy got a warm welcome from George. It always amazes me how pleased he is to see Lucy. He is always all over her. After a drink Lucy got on with playing with the toys she got for Christmas in the family room. Soon she was cooking me food making me drinks with the cooker she got at Christmas. She spent ages mixing the ingredients from the toy food and she had lots of fun making dinners especially, although although some of her recipes were a bit conventional.

Soon we were both getting hungry and so we headed out to the supermarket to pick up most of the food we needed for the weekend. It was while we were there that Lucy charmed a older lady that wanted to take her place in the trolly and be pushed around the shop. Lucy, however wasn't moving. She was enjoying placing the shopping around her too much as we went around the shop. With the shopping done, there just enough change left for Lucy to have a go on one of the new rides outside the shop. She loved it, it was just a shame I didn't have the money for her to have a go on the other ride.

When we got home I made us both some sandwiches and we both sat down together and ate them before we continued playing. I found some paper and she got her art set and she was soon drawing, sticking and making pictures. While they dried we moved onto other games. We played the fishing game she got at christmas that she loves so much before she got out her cleaning things and pretended to clean the living room. She just loves the little hover and the fact it actually works.

Soon it was time to get Catherine from school, Emily was off on another Friday night sleep over at her friends. Lucy got her shoes on and we head out the door and into the car with Lucy looking for her little cousin who she has spotted once or twice living the local school. When we got to the high school, Catherine was there waiting for us and as soon as she got in the car she gave Lucy a big hug. Lucy was pleased to see her, she had been asking where she was all day.

When they got home they settled down on the living room floor and Catherine got out her Playmobile for them to play with. I remember how much Emily, Catherine and Lucy's other sister loved Playmobile and it seems that Lucy is no exception. She had loads of fun with the little people and they were both making up like stories along the way for the little people to act out. I just watched, smiled and remembered.

As they played on I made some dinner for everyone. Nothing special just some roast chicken potions, roast potatoes, a mixture of fresh vegetables served with stuffing and gravy. It will be as close as we get to a roast this weekend. Things are tight. All three of us enjoyed the meal and Lucy did particularly well and ate all her pudding too.

After dinner the girls took themselves off to the family room to play and watch television together until it was time for Lucy to go to bed. I just listened to them having fun and thought. When we took Lucy up it was clear she was ready for bed. Catherine helped dress her and read her a story while I made her bed all snuggly. Then I read a her a couple more stories before giving her a kiss and a cuddle from the people she loves with a big special one at the end. Then as the house fell quieter, Catherine and myself did our own thing until Catherine went up to bed and joined her sister in the land of dreams.

The day started out so bright, but as it moved on my mood changed to something darker, even very shaky just after Lucy went to be, until I could distract myself. It is not that it wasn't fun for Lucy and Catherine but for me the fun disappeared, very early on and I was left feeling tired and moody. There was too much to think about to lift the mood, but I know I won't be beaten, one day things will get better. I won't let disappointments of today affect the direction I am going in. It will take courage, truth and forgiveness to get there, but it is a path worth continuing along, for as long as it takes.

You can't hide things away or wish them out of existence and avoid how you feel about things, but you can change them for the good. You just have to embrace those feelings and go with them and be open and honest. If things matter to you then sometimes you carry on however long that takes no matter how tricky the path gets. It been one of those days that would be best forgotten, but from it can come good, I know I just have keep faith. It will get better than this. I know what I want and what matters, and I will get there, nothing has changed, it just a little harder. Life goes on.