Is Mum Enough?

With one in four children being without a their father in the United Kingdom  BBC Radio Five live today aired a documentary called entitled "Is Mum Enough?". In the documentary Reggie Yates, Actor. Presenter and Radio DJ, wonders how not having a father in the home has shaped him. Although he had as a child all the love he needed he is sometimes feels he is one of the lucky ones.

The hour long programme, followed by a phone in, was about different mens experiences of being brought up only by their mum. Reggie Yates himself was brought up by his mum without an in-house father and it made him think if just having Mum is enough and how will he manage himeself as a father. In order to get the answers he is looking for he went on a journey to rediscover the strong male role models in his life as well as old friends who had no father from his past. He also tried to find the answer to his question and he certainly did as well the knowledge that he can be a father himself.

The conclusion was that Mum was not enough, that children need both parents in their life. That parents should knuckle down and work things out to give their children the best possible start. They shouldn't just think of themselves when they split up but think of everyone. It is all too easy for couples to break up today and the children are left wounded by the experience. If you are a single parent all you can do is limit the damage, but you can't stop all of it happening.

Although the programme dealt with boys and young men without Fathers altogether, and it showed how important that it is for both parents to bring up children, it was interesting to not that from the phone in that girls/young women needed both mothers and fathers too. From my own experiences I know one thing I couldn't have any more children and put them through what my children are put through. The backwards and forwards of a weekend here and a weekend there, even if they are regular, is still hard for children. I can see it in my own children, they fight they have to be with friends and be with the part time parent is hard for them.

I have seen the problems not having both parents about can cause later in life if one parent is missing or the parents are in conflict to the point they never talk. It can really mess up a child's life and leave them emotionally scared thought their experiences of life. It's not anyones fault it can just happen and blame games are pointless. It something I don't want to happen to my children and thankfully that isn't the case with the older two as far as I can tell.

Mainly because of my experiences as a single parent, and from what I have seen at what it can do, I agree with the conclusions of the programme. It is best that both parents are involved in the bringing up of children preferably in the family home if at all possible. More needs to be done by Government to educate parents in their responsibilities and all couples, married or not should with joint children be made to attend mediation sessions aimed at resolving issues with the aim of keeping families together, if possible, accept under exceptional circumstances. To many people walk out on relationships when the going gets hard. The commitment of the past that kept couples together doesn't seem to exist anymore.

Now there are going to be people who are single parents, that is unavoidable, which leads to the question, if you are a single parent what should you do? A simple question, you might think, but it is a difficult one to answer just because everyones experiences are so different. Some children have absent parents while others have parents they see on a regular basis and the reasons the parents aren't together are varied.

All I can do is talk from my point of view as a single parent and from what friends have told me of their experiences. All that tells me that it is important that the child has access to both parents and it is the responsibility of both parents to make sure that happens. It is also important that the parents get on and work together. Communication is key, it has to be good, and both parents need to feel they are involved in the child's life. They need to develop a good relationship for the sake of the child. What should be avoided is one parent being cut out of the child's life for whatever reasons unless there is some kind real of danger to the child. Friends I have who have children that don't see their other parent tell me how hard it is for the child and themselves, much like the programme showed.

It was a great programme and so well presented. It certainly drew a lot of interest from the radio listening audience if the phone in and twitter is anything to go by. I don't think much will come of it, but we can live in hope that one day we can change society and make family more important, and make people realise how important having children is and that bring them up is a joint shared responsibility for the sake of the children involved, that should ideally be done together. I hope someone in the Government that matters heard it and will take action to make sure families are given the help to stay together and then that absent parents aren't cut out of their children's lives .