Strange Day

I was hoping for lovely weather and although we did see the sun when it made it's brief appearances it wasn't the best of day weather wise but at the same time it wasn't really cold either. I had a lot of other hopes for the day too but as it turned out one thing seem to overtake them and that rather made a mess of the day for me at least. Thankfully it didn't ruin everyones day and the people that mattered still had fun.

Emily was the first of the girls up this morning. After breakfast she went in to the village to met up with her friends before they all went to school together. It was just as she was leaving Catherine got up. I chatted with her as she had something to eat and got herself ready and went off for school. This left me to potter around the house for the morning and doing some teaching preparation to fill the time.

At noon we headed into Oakham to pick up Lucy from nursery. It is a drive I like because I know I will always get a warm welcome. It lovely seeing her run to the gate and jump into my arms. I love her cuddles and it is lovely chatting as we walk to the car, that if she lets me put her down. She said something today that I didn't expect from her and it really turned the day upside down emotionally, but I tried not to show it.

From nursery we headed to the supermarket to pick up some food for lunch and dinner. It was a quick shop and I zoomed around with Lucy in the trolley. She is really getting good at unpacking the trolly for me and as always gets a smile out of the person at the checkout. From there, it was home to eat lunch altogether before we started the afternoon after getting Lucy changed.

The destination today was Melton country park. It seemed ages since we were last there with Lucy on her own. It is lovely there. I really like going there, it is really peaceful. Lucy once she saw the playground was like a light bulb that had been switched on. Her eyes were bright with excitement and she couldn't get into the playground quick enough. She ran between all the playground toys tying them all out and making up games. The bouncing horse seemed to be one of her favorites and she even named him. The joy in her little face was really something to see. Before we left she went for a walk to the bridge to see the ducks. I took the chance to have a think as I wandered through the woods. I could hear them as I walk and it sound like they were having a good time. When I rejoined them they were back at the playground for one last play before we headed home.

We got home just before Catherine came home from school. This gave us a little time to make drinks and sit down before Lucy went running to the backdoor to greet Catherine as she came through the door. Catherine got her usual hug and soon was going up the stairs to change with Lucy following behind. All you could hear was happy voices. After playing for quite a while Catherine was asking if she could take Lucy to the park for a while. I said yes and while they were away I got on with starting dinner. 

When they both came home they had picked up Emily along the way and soon they were playing the garden together. It was while I as I was cooking I heard lots of laughter. Somehow they had turned on hose and Lucy was spaying it all around, which was fine until she managed to get Emily wet in her school uniform. Everyone was laughing accept for Emily who was dripping wet. Thankfully her clothes only need drying and she was soon changed and her clothes were hanging from the radiators drying and they were all playing together as I dished up dinner.

We all had dinner together and it was enjoyed by all. It lovely to see Emily, Catherine and Lucy enjoying eating together. I will never get fed up of listening to them chat and having a laugh at the table. It is just a pure joy. It is one of the things that always brings a smile to my face despite the lack of money and everything else that troubles my world. Just seeing them having fun. 

After dinner there was some time left for them to play while I cleaned up the kitchen, but all too soon I was getting Lucy ready to return to Oakham. After get dressed back in her mummies clothes she got cuddles from everyone before it was time to leave. With sweets in hand we drove back Oakham chatting as we went and after a speedy drop off I was driving back to find Emily and Catherine in the family room watching television. They did this until end of the day, with Emily managing to fit her homework in along the way.

In some ways the start of the day has been rather a upsetting. Lucy was saying when we left nursery how she didn't want to move far away. I must say I don't want her to go a city. Of course I didn't get a say in the matter and my opinions are not even asked for or taken account of. In fact there has been little or no communication about this since the 3rd April. I'm just assuming the move will happen over the coming half term. Which will be three years after I first moved here for her mummy so we could bring everyone up in the country near to her family.

Given how little money there is, I just don't how the move will work without affecting my contact. The last communication that suggested that I would be almost totally responsible for getting her from and to the city, unless her mummy was coming to Rutland to see her relatives. I don't have the money. It really going to impact on seeing her. I can't even afford a pair of new cheap shoes for work, costing £10. I hate this whole situation. I love my family. To be honest these thoughts are with me whenever I think about the future at the moment. I never wanted this for my children. The lack of communication is just making everything worse and it is not on my part. I have always been open to discussion.

I don't like to end on a negative note their were highs today, but they just highlighted how I was feeling about things and turned into sadness. Looking back to the cards we found last week, it all seems incongruous with all the deep meaning behind the words on the main card. I feel have let Lucy and everyone else down. All the good things today just remind me of what is to come and I don't know how to deal with it. Sometimes I just feel used by the whole experience and all I wanted was the best for everyone. This wasn't all my doing. I had my part to play and for that I will always have regrets which I'm sorry for, but from them I have grown to become a better person. At least now I now know what is important in my life.